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Pit Your Wits ‘23: Week 18

How are we convincing Ohtani to become a Diamondback?

A female soccer player holds a trophy in one hand while holding and using a selfie stick in the other. She stands in front of a blue background and is wearing a mostly yellow kit Photo by Jan Kruger - FIFA/FIFA via Getty Images

Welcome back!

Last week, I asked you to put together a contract offer that would convince Shohei Ohtani to join the Diamondbacks, despite the other disadvantages we might have. Like, we somehow currently are worse than the Angels. For... reasons.

Anyway, I think we’re on to something, and I hope Hazen is reading this because I think if he offers some of this we might actually stand a chance. In third place, we have kilnborn with 3 recs!

10 years, $150 million dollars, with some incentives: A special license plate that allows Shohei Ohtani to drive as fast as he likes inside Arizona without being pulled over. Transfer of ownership of the Arizona Diamondbacks to Shohei Ohtani upon his retirement from baseball. Two baseball cards from Ken Kendrick’s collection. Lifetime free pass to Golden Corral.

This is so unrealistic... we all know Kendrick would never part with his baseball cards...

In second place, we have Makakilo with four recs!

Four point compensation plan: $500 Million for 10 years. Free use of KK’s airplane to shuttle family back-and-forth from Japan. First game of every month at Chase is dress like a Geisha for fans. The Diamondbacks players will wear specially designed Samurai uniforms (swords optional). Plant 8 cherry trees around Chase Field (8 is a lucky Japanese number).

Swords are never optional. Never.

And taking the top spot on the podium this week is gzimmerm with 5 recs!

Besides $500M for 10 years, compensation includes: 1) a lifetime pass to the Grand Canyon, 2) a never-expiring endorsement deal for Sanderson Ford, 3) a personal valet with one Jody Jackson, 4) a personal escort to local drinking establishments with Mark Grace, and 5) three free crunchy tacos daily at participating Taco Bell restaurants.* *Offer not valid in Tucson

Given that his workout routine is “sleep” he’d probably be down for the daily tacos. Someone should ask him.


Players Score
Players Score
gzimmerm 13
Kilnborn 13
Spencer O'Gara 9
Makakilo 6
Jack Sommers 5
Diamondhacks 4
NikT77 3
520Tommy 2

This week’s first place finish lets gzimmerm jump to the top and into a tie with kilnborn at 13 recs a piece right now. The rest of the field is still right behind, making this still anyone’s race as we head towards the ultimate end of the season.

However, that end of the season increasingly looks like it won’t include a trip to the playoffs after all. Everything started so well, and then it wasn’t. Your challenge this week is to just tell me why. Explain it to me like I’m five, because clearly something went wrong... Go!