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Snake Bytes 12/11: Shohei who?

Enough! Have some kittens instead.

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An unruly family, cats

Team news

[USA Today] Shohei Ohtani free agency hysteria brought out the worst in MLB media. We can do better - Dammit, Bob! I said, enough! Nightengale isn't wrong there, but the stuff relevant to us here is to be found later on. "The Arizona Diamondbacks are hopeful of signing free-agent DH J.D. Martinez now that the Dodgers no longer need him, with Justin Turner also in play. Michael analyzes the report in more detail, and concludes "the net positives for adding J.D. Martinez to their lineup outweighs the risk."

[Venom Strikes] Which free agent designated hitter should the Arizona Diamondbacks sign? - There has been speculation the D-backs have interest in four possible designated hitters: Rhys Hoskins, old friend J.D. Martinez, Jorge Soler, and Justin Turner. Jack Sommers has done a breakdown of the D-backs’ current financial commitments, writing that they have enough remaining money to add a hitter, even as the team will probably surpass its previous spending. So, let’s consider the possibilities.

[PNJ.com] Former Blue Wahoos broadcaster fulfills MLB dream with hometown Diamondbacks - Before he passed away in 2016 at 90 years old, Joe Garagiola knew his grandson planned to go into broadcasting. It was not Chris’ original intention. He went to Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas, on a baseball scholarship as a pitcher, while planning to major in a different subject. But he gravitated into broadcasting and helped found the school’s own sports broadcast network. That’s how his path was launched. “I tried to just keep grinding, keep getting better, keep networking and keep my head up and thought if you do that, then hopefully a break happens one day and I might be able to cash in on that,” Garagiola said.

And, elsewhere...

[Detroit Free Press] Detroit Tigers bring back reliever Andrew Chafin on 1-year contract with club option - The contract, according to a source, features base salary of $4.25 million for the 2024 season, plus up to $1.25 million in incentives. The club option for the 2025 season is worth $6.5 million, plus up to $1.25 million in incentives. The club option includes a $500,000 buyout, so Chafin is guaranteed to make $4.75 million in 2024.

[Denver Post] Can Rockies follow Diamondbacks’ or Rangers’ path to postseason glory? - The trade that stands out for Rockies manager Bud Black was the December 2022 deal in which the D-Backs acquired catcher Gabriel Moreno and outfielder Lourdes Gurriel Jr. from Toronto for outfielder Daulton Varsho. “That was a very good trade,” Black said. The D-backs’ speed also caught the attention of Black and Schmidt. “They built that club on speed, they didn’t necessarily build that club on power,” [Rockies general manager Bill] Schmidt said. “Most of their guys were smaller guys who are athletes who can run. That’s how they built the club.”

[SI] Royals Sign Pitcher Who Has Won Three Straight World Series Titles - [Will] Smith may be the good luck charm the struggling Royals need as he’s coming off winning three consecutive World Series titles with three separate teams. He played for the Braves in 2021, followed by the Astros in ‘22 and then most recently he was with the Rangers as they secured the 2023 title back in November. With this feat, Smith became the only player out of the four major North American sports leagues—MLB, NFL, NHL and NBA—to appear in at least one game of a title run with three different teams in three consecutive seasons in history.

Leave the World Behind (2023)

Rating: C-

Dir: Sam Esmail

Star: Julia Roberts, Mahershala Ali, Ethan Hawke, Myha’la

I guess congratulations are in order to Mr. Esmail, for portraying an apocalypse in the least interesting way possible. The approach seems largely deliberate, in that the families involved are consciously placed on the edge of things, occupying a spacious holiday home on Long Island. From there, they pretty much need a telescope to view the increasing fall of civilization. A traffic jam of hacked Teslas here, a small flock of flamingos in the capacious swimming-pool there. But the fridge is apparently well-stocked and continues to function. Armageddon, it appears, is something which only affects the poors. Here, the most traumatic thing experienced is an inability to finish the season of Friends being streamed.

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