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Diamondbacks 1, Dodgers 22: Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Maybe choosing to not do a Weedcap wasn’t the best idea?

Cow dung Photo by: Arterra/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

To be honest I am not sure why I choose to recap this game. I was going to do a weedcap for 7/10, because it’s the other weed holiday (for concentrates), but I spaced on getting stuff to do that. That being said, I am wishing I had decided to get nine strains of wax for nine innings, because the game might have been a lot more fun, which this game most certainly was not. The only good part of the game was the Andrew Young home run in the top of the eighth, his fifth of the year. Offensively, the Dbacks stunk in this one, and I’m not going to bother going over that. The only relevant portion of the offense was the Young homer, and you didn’t miss much aside from that. Instead, let’s go over the dreadfully bad pitching in detail.

Caleb Smith got the start and was dreadfully bad, allowing nine runs total in just an inning of work. Smith gave up a walk to Mookie Betts to lead off the first, then a single to Chris Taylor before getting Justin Turner to fly out for the first out of the inning. Max Muncy would double next, scoring Betts and Taylor. Pujols would strike out, but Cody Bellinger would hit a homerun, and AJ Pollock would make it back to back homeruns. Austin Barnes then flew out to end the inning.

The second inning went even worse for Smith. Walker Buehler singled to lead off, Betts and Taylor walked, and Justin Turner hit a grand slam. It was then that Smith was pulled from the game.

Matt Peacock took over for Smith after the grand slam, and put up three innings of scoreless baseball, allowing three hits and a walk, while striking out one. Well done Matt, you’re the only pitcher that wasn’t dreadfully awful in this game

Alex Young relieved Peacock for the fifth. Young put up two scoreless innings, but his third inning didn’t go nearly as well. After a Bellinger ground out, Young walked Pollock, hit Austin Barnes with a pitch, a single to Matt Beaty that was deflected off him, then gave up the second grand slam of the game to Mookie Betts. Gavin Lux grounded out next, but Zack Reks reached on a fielding error by Peralta, then Zach McInstry, and Albert Pujols would make it back to back home runs once again to make 16-0

Jordan Weems took over for Alex Young, and before getting his one out, Weems allowed a another homerun to Pollock, a walk to Barnes, a single to Matt Beaty, another walk (Betts), and then a bases clearing triple to Gavin Lux, before finally getting Zack Reks to strikeout. Then he was taken out of the game. At this point with the score already 20-1, there was no point in throwing another pitcher to the wolves, so instead Josh Reddick took over.

Reddick would get Zach McInstry to line out, but allowed another home run to Albert Pujols, scoring Lux. He’d then give up a double to pitcher Garrett Cleavinger, then walked Pollock, before getting Austin Barnes to ground into a force out.

The Dbacks would go quietly in the ninth, and that was the ball game. All around an awful expierence, 0/10 would not recommend. I don’t think there’s weed or booze or anything that can make baseball this bad enjoyable. If you’re looking for a win in our minor league system, don’t bother, they all lost too!

Bells and whistles, by Jim

Firstly, a round of applause to Wes for having the intestinal fortitude to make it all the way through this one. We were hanging out at Turambar’s, continuing the long line of SnakePit get-togethers spoiled only by the Diamondbacks. Indeed, this one probably set a new bar in terms of unadulterated awfulness, and interest was gone by the end of the second. Arizona set new records for both most runs conceded in a game and the largest margin of defeat. Caleb Smith, who had been so good, became the third D-backs’ pitcher in franchise history to allow nine or more earned runs, while recording three or fewer outs [Juan Cruz, June 2006 and Edgar Gonzalez, September 2004] Remarkably, it went downhill from there.

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Not shit: Pavin Smith, +3.8%
Shit: Caleb Smith, -42.1%

Never a good sign when the win probability has already dropped below 1%, while your pitcher has yet to record an out in the second inning. Remarkably, the Gameday Thread still reached three digits, though I sense most of these were basically the GDT equivalent of gathering round a corpse and poking it with a stick. Present were: AzDbackfanInDc, C.Wesley Baier, Diamondhacks, GuruB, Jack Sommers, James Attwood, Jim McLennan, Justin27, Keegan Thompson, Makakilo, NikT77, Oldenschoole, Schilling2001, Snacks&Dbacks, Snake_Bitten, Ubersnake, VW Beetle, Xerostomia, edbigghead, gzimmerm, kilnborn and since_98. edbigghead gets Comment of the Night, before things went a bit pear-shaped.

It was still a good time, despite the result, and thanks to Turambar and Mrs. Turambar for being such kind and generous hosts. Also, y’all need to get Jack Sommers over your house to cook steak. I’m just saying... Anyway, it’s the series finale tomorrow, and somehow, the D-backs can still win the series. Inexplicably, tonight’s game only counts as “one”. It’s an afternoon game, and if Jordan Weems is still a member of the Diamondbacks, I’m going to be very disappointed. Merrill Kelly starts for the D-backs in this 1:10 pm start. I pity the poor bastard who has to reca...

Well, crap. See you then, I guess!