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Diamondbacks 1, Rockies 7: Send. More. Beer.

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Where I drink beer and get to recap another Frankoff start

MLB: Washington Nationals at Arizona Diamondbacks
Oh look, Frankoff
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

Hello my fellow thirsty Snakepitters! It’s time for another beercap and with yours truly, so sit back and enjoy the show.

Beer 1: Spellbinder Hazy IPA by Wren House

Got in a little late because my wife and I went to the Tesla show room where we ordered our first car as a newly married couple. Woot!!!!!

So as I walk in to my watering hole I notice that we’re already down 0-3 thanks in part to a McMahon 2-run blast off my good ole buddy Frankoff.

As we’re going to soon get a super cool sexy Model Y my spirits are in no way dulled by this score. We shall overcome.

Frankoff is quickly ruining my ascendant mood as he gives up another 2run blast. 0-5 Rocks, and more likely on the way.....

Maybe Elon could by this team and replace all our pitchers arms with bionics? I’d be down with that, God knows Frankoff could benefit from such measures.

Going in to the 3rd and still no sign of any Dbacks offense. I know it’s been written about quite a bit, but holy shit our bats have just disappeared faster than the 0-60mph time on a Model S Plaid. 0-5 going in to the bottom of the 3rd.

Beer 2: Escalante Herbal West Coast Style IPA

BTW, when they say herbal they mean of the sticky icky variety. Not that it’s actually something from a dispensary, but it sure smells and tastes like that. Also appropriate considering the home states for both teams has legalized the chronic.

On that note this beer must have gotten me high, because there’s no way Frankoff got through an inning without allowing more runs, but yet my sober wife assured me that’s indeed the case. So we do a good thing in the bottom of the 3rd, but continue on with bad things in the top of the 4th with still no runs. Musk, heed my prayers!

Yet another relatively bloodless Frankoff inning, this beer must be working, so we’re off to the 5th and hopefully some offense.

Nope. Nothing to see here. Just another 1-2-3 Dbacks inning at the plate. Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Still 0-5.

Frankoff is replaced by Riley Smith, but the results are the same: another homer allowed. At least it was a solo shot, but with our bats being nonexistent that might as well have been the nail in the coffin. 0-6 Rocks.

ANOTHER 1-2-3 DBACKS SCORELESS INNING?!?!?!???

Ok, just breath, remember we got a cool space car coming our way soon. This is fine. Everything is fine.

No more runs given up in the bottom of the 6th, followed by a leadoff double by Rojas. Hope? Naaaa, just another tease as the Dbacks put up another 0. At least there’s good beer.

Beer 3: Benthos Hazy IPA by Pueblo Vida

Alex Young comes in here in the 7th and though I applaud him for not giving up a homer he does allow another run. So we’re in quite the hole here at 0-7.

So here we are in the top of the 8th and Marte leads things off by lining out. Pavin though gets thing going with a single followed by Escobar and Peralta both getting on with singles of there own. Hope, we have hope with the bases loaded and 1out. Regrettably all we can manage is a sac fly to drive in a run, but I guess I’ll take what I can get 1-7 now and I’m pretty sure this night is over.

Kevin Ginkel comes in to hopefully keep things close (lol) here in the bottom of the 8th. He does his job and we go to the 9th with quite a bit of ground to make up.

Ahmed grounds out, Varsho strikes out and Vogt draws a walk to keep our hopes vaguely alive. Marte grounds out on the first pitch to cement our 11th road loss in a row. Happy Days.

Well, I got a cool new car to look forward to, and though this current D-backs team might seem like the engine has completely fallen out I’m confident they’ll have an electrifying future.... just probably not this season.

Bells and whistles, by Jim

Click for details at Fangraphs.com
Ethan Hunt: Eduardo Escobar, +3.4%
Jim Phelps: Seth Frankoff, -24.8%

There was a Gameday Thread, but we weren’t happy about it. Those present, for varying amounts of time, were: Augdogs, AzDbackfanInDc, AzRattler, GuruB, Jack Sommers, Jim McLennan, Makakilo, Michael McDermott, MrMrrbi, NikT77, Oldenschoole, Rockkstarr12, Smurf1000, Snake_Bitten, Xerostomia, gzimmerm and since_98. Comment of the game to Jack:

We’ll be demonstrating the definition of insanity tomorrow: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. It’s an early game, which is for the best, since I’ll be watching the Eurovision Song Contest later on. PLAY JA JA DING DONG! First pitch will be at 12:10 pm, and going for the Diamondbacks will be... Aw, who cares? I think it’s MadBum.