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Diamondbacks 2, Giants 5: Social Club Seltzercap

In which I drink and I write things...

Record: 14-20. 162-game equivalent: 38-54. Change on 2019: -9.

While Patrick enjoys a week of rest and recovery, I’m stepping up to the alcoholic beverage plate. The fridge at SnakePit Towers contains a dozen cans of Social Club Seltzer, and tonight’s recap will be brought to you courtesy of these. Though probably not ALL of them, unless this game goes very, very badly...

Social Club Seltzer #1: Citrus Gimlet

“Google, what is a gimlet?” It feels like something F. Scott Fitzgerald would have drunk during a party on a boat somewhere, while dropping witticisms. More helpfully, 1953 Raymond Chandler novel, The Long Goodbye, states that “a real gimlet is half gin and half Rose’s lime juice and nothing else.” The ingredients list on the side of the can begs to differ. However, it is quite tasty and the citrus gives it a sharp bite that is refreshing. I’m certainly not hanging around in consumption, after the first inning cruelly dashes our hopes that Luke Weaver was “fixed”. Two runs cross the plate for the Giants, and the Diamondbacks go down in order against something called a Trevor Cahill, about which I know nothing.

Weaver is unable to get through the second inning without allowing a run, giving up a ringing RBI double with two outs to Mike Wazowski, who appears to have lost weight since he was in Monsters Inc. And gained an eye. Weaver’s pitch-count through two innings is almost up to fifty; he appears to have taken lessons in efficiency from Robbie Ray. So far, the Giants have managed three hits on five hits off Weaver, and as the D-backs are retired 1-2-3 in the bottom half, they are being perfecto’d by the Cahill. I’m wondering if a dozen Social Club Seltzer’s will prove to be sufficient. As another double off Weaver opens the third inning, the title of that Raymond Chandler novel begins to seem appropriate.

Social Club Seltzer #2: Sidecar

With one out, the Giants make it 4-0, though I must confess, I feel for Weaver, as this wans on a pitch way down and outside the zone, which turned into a nineteen hopper back up the middle for an RBI single. A Texas Leaguer bloop then loads the bases, and gets the Diamondbacks’ bullpen up, in the shape of Yoan Lopez. A good time to crack open a new drink, I’d say. “Google, what is a sidecar?”, as I realize my knowledge of classic cocktails is severely limited. I spent a summer tending bar just before going to university, but that was in the kind of place where more than a rum and coke would get a derisive snort. And woe betide those poor souls who asked for anything in their whisky except for ice...

Wikipedia comes through again: “The sidecar is a cocktail traditionally made with cognac, orange liqueur, plus lemon juice.” Miraculously, so does Weaver, using a strikeout and a fly-ball to avoid further damage. Back to the drinking I go. Yeah, I am definitely getting brandy notes [is that the right word?] off this one, and again a citrusy element. As Mrs. SnakePit declined, I attempted to get SnakePit Jr. involved, as he has previously mentioned he likes hard seltzer. But he had headed out for an evening playing D&D, so it’s just going to be me. As I notice that everyone is wearing #42 again tonight, Jon Jay gets hit on the ankle as our first base-runner, which saves you from a very poor taste comment about our offense.

Our longest-term feline, Oscar - named after former catcher Oscar Hernandez [well, partly: that’s another questionable story] - has shown up. But Oscar has inexplicably refused my offer of a hard seltzer. If only they were available in salmon... Kole Calhoun bombs one just foul to right-field, and I realize I’m on pace for a recap coming it at about two thousand words. I’d better slow down, both on the words and the consumption of Social Club Seltzer. Cole walks, but Ketel Marte pops up to the shallow outfield, first pitch hacking, and we’re through three innings with the D-backs still 4-0 down.

Weaver is done, after seventy pitches. He K’d six in three innings - I am really expecting him to rip off a mask and reveal it was Robbie Ray all along - but gave up four runs on eight (ouch!) hits and a walk. Lopez uses a beautiful slider to get Mike Wazowski looking, clearly hunting something else, as the pitch was in the middle of the strike-zone. He works a 1-2-3 fourth, with a pair of strikeouts. Meanwhile. my brain is beginning to feel the impact of these seltzers. It probably doesn’t help that I’m about nine hours removed from any food, but they clearly pack more a wallop than that citrusy taste would suggest. Starling Marte singles, to lead off the fourth, and so at least we won’t be no-hit by Trevor Cahill.

Christian Walker then ensures we won’t be shutout either (above), lining a pitch just over the fence in left-field for a two-run shot, that makes the score 4-2 to San Francisco. Cahill seems to have an issue, and is lifted after falling behind 3-0 to Eduardo Escobar. That’s the Cahill we know! And with that, I’m going to head upstairs for some much needed food.

Excellent pizza from Rosati's. The cat above is our other one, a geriatric rescue called Tabby. She arrived without a name, and so I joked she should be called "Tabby Announced". That stuck. Lopez and Junior Guerra post another zero in the fifth, thanks in part to a full-length dive by Nick Ahmed (below). But the bottom of the D-backs order does nothing. Guerra has a quick top of the sixth, and I think it's a good point at which to crack open the third and final flavor.

Social Club Seltzer #3: Old-fashioned

"Google, what is..." Oh, you get the idea. My education on the topic of classic cocktails continues. Though I must confess, I had tried this one last night, and it’s probably my least favorite of the three varieties included in the pack. There's something rather bitter about it, which I didn't like so much. Still, at this point in the evening, slowing the consumption is probably not the worst thing that could happen. Oh, and Wikipedia says it's "made by muddling sugar with bitters and water, adding whiskey or, less commonly, brandy, and garnishing with orange slice or zest and a cocktail cherry." Explains the bitterness. But where are my orange slices?

The Giants send out a reliever in the bottom of the sixth who touches 101 mph. It does not go well for the Diamondbacks. We then send in Hector Rondon. This does not initially go well for the D-backs in the top of the seventh either, as the first two reach. A pretty behind-the-back play from K-Marte (below), the Obese Raccoon swinging at high heat, and the arrival of Stefan Crichton managed to put up a zero, San Francisco leaving the bases loaded. Having been opened in the fifth inning, the Chase Field roof had to be closed back up at this point, due to lightning in the area.

We fast forward to the bottom of the eighth, not much having happened, except for an Eduardo Escobar triple being stranded. Tim Locastro walked to lead off the inning - we are still waiting for the first Locastro HBP of the season, after his 19th game. In his first nineteen games last year, he was hit eight times. He was erased on a fielder's choice, and we went to the ninth with the Giants still 4-2 up. Kevin Ginkel came in for the ninth, and gave up a home-run to former Diamondback Wilmer Flores. I will say, I'm beginning to warm to the Old-fashioned; perhaps it's better not quite so chilled?

However, one thing which refused to warm up is the Diamondbacks offense. They go down meekly in the ninth, and the game is lost with our batters having managed a total of just three hits. Still, between the Social Club Seltzers and the really good pizzas, I’m in a relatively mellow mood. The SnakePit jury gives a thumbs-up to the Citrus Gimlet, and a pack of that may be in my future shopping endeavors. For now, I’m going to find something emptily violent on Netflix to watch for the rest of the night.

Click here for details, at
Citrus Gimlet: Eduardo Escobar, +11.7%
Old-fashioned: Luke Weaver, -23.2%

Just past two hundred comments on the site this evening. They came from AzDbackfanInDc, ChuckJohnson56, DeadManG, GuruB, Jack Sommers, Jim McLennan, JoeCB1991, Juvi Juice, Makakilo, MrMrrbi, NikT77, Preston Salisbury, Schilling2001, Smurf1000, Snake_Bitten, edbigghead and onedotfive, with the runaway winner for Comment of the Night going to Preston:

The D-backs have lost nine of their last ten games, and with one to play between now and the trade deadline... Yeah, about that. Still, we will see what tomorrow brings, in the series finale. Taylor Clarke gets to start, with a little more warning that he did last time!