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Snake Bytes 4/7: Stream of Consciousness

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Shouting into the void to inform you that I am indeed still alive.

Major League Baseball Suspends Spring Training Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

I’ve admittedly been absent since (gestures broadly) as a bit of a defense mechanism. Like many of you, baseball is an escape that I rely on heavily around this team of year. I’ve determined that thinking about the absence of it more than I should would be detrimental to my mental health during a time like this. I suppose stepping back for a bit it some sort of a defense mechanism. Regardless, you should know that I’m still alive and well. I figured I’d use my scheduled time to throw word vomit at all of you, and check in to see how you’re doing as well. Not like there is much news to cover anyways.


It’s been instrumental being a semi competent cook this past month. Most of my meals I picked up from my mother who was an expert at making large, lasting portions for less than $15. Edbigghead doesn’t believe that my beer bratwursts exist, so I was going to show him up and make that my cover photo for this article. Unfortunately, I’m quite a few Coors Banquets deep at the moment, so I’m not on speaking terms with technology. The photo kept getting rotated because stupid iPhones. Anyways, beer brats are a decently inexpensive and easy meal to make for those of you who are unfamiliar. However, you can’t just go and buy a package at the grocery store labeled as such, heat them up, and expect a quality dinner. It takes a bit of effort. Simmer those S.O.B.’s in your beer of choice for 30 minutes. No more, no less. I said simmer, not boil. Add veggies and spices of your choice to the concoction for the simmer. Experiment with different “stuff” each time. Make it fun. The key to these bad boys is that you have to finish them off on the grill once the simmer is done. Toast the french rolls on the grill as well. Seriously. If you don’t, you might as well grab a piece of dog shit from the backyard, throw it between two slices of white bread, and call it an evening. Do. Not. Skip. The. Grill. You can even make a gnarly cheese sauce with the leftover beer broth while the grill is going.


It appears to me that Ken Kendrick has been positioning to sell the Arizona Diamondbacks for the past few years. I don’t think that the plaintiffs have much of a case against him in the pending litigation. I think their best case outcome is that there is a new, independent valuation of their shares, but that’s about it. I imagine he’s well within his right to ask the plaintiffs to increase their investment or sell their remaining interests, so it really only comes down to what their ownership stake is worth. Kendrick has a motive to consolidate the number of minority owners because it makes any future sale that much easier to navigate. I’d say the team is sold within 10 to 15 years. Probably not as big of a case as others have made it out to seem. Definitely seems possible that Kendrick is low balling the plaintiffs. I’d be curious to know what options the other minority owners took when presented with the same ultimatum.


I doubt the feasibility of playing an entire season in the spring training facilities within Arizona during the middle of the summer. We’re pushing close to or over 100 degrees at both 8 AM and 8 PM in July. Just imagine Robbie Ray attempting to start a game outdoors at that temperature. Do you really think he would last much past the third inning as the high effort pitcher he is? MLB better dial back the liveliness of the baseballs or the arid climate is going to result in a ridiculous run environment. There are so many obstacles to this proposal. Player safety both on the field and in the clubhouse is a major hurdle to address with the MLBPA. We’ve got no idea what the future of the coronavirus looks like in the world. If it’s going to stick with us for awhile, you’re asking over 40 people, players, coaches, and support staff to be in close proximity on a frequent basis. If the league is adamant about beginning play shortly, a more reasonable idea would be to select stadiums in close proximity and play multiple games per day there. For example, National League teams could play in Arizona, Los Angeles, Anaheim, San Diego, San Francisco, and Colorado while American league teams could play in Boston, The Bronx, Queens, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Washington D.C. Teams have their own private or chartered flights, so there would be little chance for infection at the airport considering the substantial decrease in global air travel. Anyways, it’d be pretty weird knowing that all the major league teams were playing here and we couldn’t attend.


Working from home is definitely not a long term solution for me. I understand the convenience of doing so on occasion, but I’ve had some difficulties in adjusting. I miss the face to face social interaction with my coworkers. My home is entirely too small for my fiance and I to both be working at home at the same time. I think both of us are eager to return to the office. However, this pandemic has made me appreciate my profession more than I previously did because it would require substantial societal and technological changes for me to be laid off. I am grateful for that.


Someone needs to fire Aubrey Huff into the sun...


Watching old D’ backs games has been a nice reprieve for me this past month. I was very young for most of the franchise’s early historical moments, so my memories of them were faint. I’ve watched Randy Johnson’s 20 strikeout game and perfect game as well as Games 4 and 7 of the 2001 World Series. It was fun being reminded of where I was and what I was doing. My dad was a Cincinnati Reds fan before the D’backs existed, so I was partially watching Randy’s 20 strikeout game as a youngster in the background because he had the game on. It was during the 2004 season when I transitioned from being a Red Sox fan to a D’backs fan as a teenager. I was captivated by how miserable Arizona was that year, and remember watching every pitch of RJ’s perfect game.


I think I might have a better chance at winning the lottery than buying a package of toilet paper in the next month.