D-Backs Potpourri: The Airborne Metsing Event

Most analysis determined that the Diamondbacks could probably not afford to lose more than 7 or so games during September if they wanted to make the playoffs.

Welp.

I think what we also learned is that Mets is an airborne contagion that can easily spread to other teams. It also kind of works like the videotape in The Ring where if you expose someone else to it you’re good but they’re in danger.

I don’t know the specifics, I have an arts degree.

The tombstone of the 2019 Diamondbacks will read that they died of infection-via-Mets, an entirely preventable thing that happened anyway.

They will be missed.

Must be nice to be a fan of a team that can fire their team president even after said team president led them to consecutive division titles, a world series win, and the overall best record in baseball during that time.

Actually, wait, that sounds terrible. What the hell is wrong with Major League Baseball?*

The Red Sox firing Dave Dombrowski despite his accomplishments, and probably for the sin of having the highest payroll, is probably not a good omen for the future of the game. If you don’t need to be competitive to make money, why be competitive?

“We want to build something sustainable” has been the covering rallying cry for front offices (and their online fanbase sycophants) to cut payroll and blow it all up so they can be good again in five years. Of course, they probably won’t be good again in five years. That doesn’t matter if you stick to some kind of process. In the meantime, players approaching free agency are getting screwed.

It’s been a recurring theme for me this year, but I gotta play the hits: Enjoy that work stoppage in 2021!

*(This is rhetorical. I, and only I, know what’s wrong with Major League Baseball)

Apparently when suburban Las Vegas made overtures to the Diamondbacks, urban Las Vegas did as well.

I wrote about how super-rich owners will always screw you over for the chance to save a penny, but let’s also talk about how it’s crazy that anyone would want to move from Phoenix to Vegas. Phoenix has a bigger population base, more of a sports history, and isn’t a nuclear radiated Chuck-E-Cheese for Baby Boomers.

“Yeah, but you can gamble in Vegas.” Man, I gamble at a Diamondbacks game every time a buy a discount Hot Dog, and that costs less money. Do you think a bunch of tourists who just lost $50,000 on video poker and are vomiting into the fountain at The Bellagio are going to want to check out a mid-June tilt against the Padres?

It would be like moving a team from somewhere like Seattle to the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma.

Speaking of baby boomers, I think us middle millennials (that is, born in the mid to late 80s) should adopt one tactic from that generation. We should really hype up our favorite pop culture stuff like it’s on par with Michelangelo’s David, except just the mediocre stuff.

“Oh yeah, Superman Returns was basically like the reformation, and it changed society for the better. Now let me tell you about this Staind album...”

Thanks for reading, as always. Kind of a quicker edition this week. I’m feeling under the weather and I want to go back to bed. You don’t care, but that is what it is.