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Black Hats 1, White Hats 6: Diamondblacks look hungover

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Never a GOOD sign when there are more beers than Arizona hits...

Arizona Diamondbacks v Milwaukee Brewers Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images

Record: 64-65. Pace: 80-82. Change on 2018: -7

How apt that I get a beercap day against a beer named team playing in a beer centric city at a beer time of day. The stars must truly have aligned.

Beer 1: The Wandering Birched Whale Collaboration IPA by Odell Brewing and Wandering Tortoise

Friday. I’m back in true form now folks.

No more worry of having too much beer prior to another workday. Nope, I’m back where I should be: writing and imbibing on a Friday. Hell yea!

Players Weekend starts tonight, which means cool nicknames and bland unis. Still fun I guess, though the D-backs first crack at the Brewers is as bland as the grey jerseys they’re wearing. 1-2-3 and we turn things over to Ye Olde Rookie Kelly in the bottom of the 1st.

“Love You TY” is Yelich’s nick name along with a couple other Brewers. Much respect to him paying respect to the late Tyler Skaggs.

Yelich could have turned a shaky start to Kelly’s night in to an early disaster, but he grounds out with men on 2nd and 1st with no outs. That seemingly seems to relieve some stress in the inning until Kelly walks the bases loaded and promptly gives up a 2run double to Moustakas. 0-2 Brew Crew.

The bleeding continues with Juicy Braun driving in another run with a single, but luckily that’s all. 0-3 Brewers . Ugghhhhh

Our dark grey heroes don’t do anything yet again in the 2nd, but the stark white (blinding white unis really) of the Brewers fail to add on to the hurt in their half. So despite Kelly allowing two more Brewers to get on we’re still not quite out of this young game.

Beer 2: Osprey’s Next Catch Triple Dry Hopped IPA

You might ask yourself “Turambar, why would anyone need a double dry hopped beer, much less a triple?” The answer is very simple; because I feel like it.

Lyles of the Brewers does not feel like giving us an break at all as he cruises through the order yet again in the 3rd.

I may not even get to my 3rd beer this game....better drink faster!

0-3 Brewers going in to the bottom of the 3rd.

Thames blasts a solo shot to dead center field, but that’s all Kelly allows. Guess that’s ok. Right? 0-4 Brewers

The 4th sees another zero sum showing from our peerless offense. Bleh. Just kinda furthers the general feeling in the Snakepit that this season is mostly toast. Sure seems that way thus far in this game.

Brewers threaten again in the 4th, but Kelly sneaks his way out of trouble. Now we just need our bats to wake the $&@! up. K Thx Bye.

We’re being no hit right now. NO HIT.

Walker is the only one who’s been constructive this game with two walks but everyone else through 5 innings can take a boat to F Off Land. Wow. Thankfully the ales I acquired are awesome. Sweet sweet ale.

Beer 3: Cashmere Over Everything IPA by The Shop Beer Co.

Just as I pour this beer with the goofy label (look it up) Kest Daddy (Hiuro) DESTROYS a pitch by Kelly, adding another nail to this game’s coffin. 0-5 Brewers

The camera just showed two young Dodger fans, with Dodger gear, at a Brewers game in Milwaukee.

Seriously?!!!???

Did they get lost in LA traffic only to end up in Milwaukee? Even in the Midwest the Doyers mock us.

Torey has FINALLY seen enough from Kelly, and with two men on and 1out after the solo shot his forgettable night is over. Yay.

Andriese takes over and allows Lyles to make this game even more of a joke by driving in a run of his own making it 0-6.

Cain adds some entertainment to this boring game as he gets tossed for arguing balls and strikes, though honestly he was right in that case: that ball was way inside. Not that it matters too much though.

The No No stays intact through the 6th, as the league leader in hits (Marte) strikes out. Wow. Just wow.

Clarke takes over in the 6th and cruises on through and then, in the 7th, a miracle.

Walker gets a hit. A hit!!!!!!!!

All for naught though as he’s stranded once more. Such is the theme of this game as we go in to the bottom of the 7th.

Clarke gets things done once more in the 7th, but we've got a LONG road to trek before this game can get even close.

Beer 4: This Time It’s Different IPA by Wren House

Picked this beer intentionally to hopefully jump start the Dbacks poor game and poor luck. Let’s see if it works.

Nope. Doesn’t help at all in the 8th. We’re pretty much toast.

McERA gives up 3 walks in the 8th to load the bases, which leads to a cool, but mostly pointless shovel play at home by the very same McERA. He’s still due for the Tree of Woe, but that play saves him for now. Soon after we get out of the 8th to face our judgment in the 9th.

Marte helps bring Dyson across the plate to at least make this game less pathetic. That’s a bonus right?

Very disappointing to lose so pathetically to a team we’re supposed to be “competing” with to get to the Wild Card. Obviously no competition at all. At. All.

Bells and whistles provided by the mostly sober Jim.....

...along with a Kona Big Wave Golden Ale. Though I must confess, as soon as the no-hitter was ended, we switched over and watched last night’s episode of Queen of the South.

Click here for details, at Fangraphs.com
William Wallace: Christian Walker, +5.4%
Edward Longshanks: Merrill Kelly, -26.6%

Thanks to those who turned up in the Gameday Thread. Which would be: Augdogs, AzDbackfanInDc, EphBoston, Gilbertsportsfan, GuruB, Hannibal4467, Jim McLennan, Justin27, Keegan Thompson, LloydFree, MrMrrbi, Oldenschoole, Rockkstarr12, Smurf1000, Snake_Bitten, Ubersnake, asteroid, edbigghead, gamepass, kilnborn and onedotfive. Comment of the night to Keegan, our on the spot reporter in Milwaukee, for this pre-game greeting

It was pretty much all the way downhill from there... We’ll hope for better tomorrow, in the second game of the series. Zac Gallen goes up against former Diamondback, Chase Anderson. with a 4:10 pm first pitch, Arizona time.