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D-Backs Potpourri: The Hell of Meltdown May

On stock photos, theme nights, and the phenomenon of Meltdown May

Let’s talk a little about some of those renderings of that possible new ballpark that dropped yesterday. Not the park itself (though my general thought is “The lighting seems off somehow”), but those pictures of people cavorting around the new ballpark’s environs. This is always fun, because it’s supposed to bring some sort of life to these photos, but they’re always a bunch of stock photos with team apparel photoshopped on. So I am going to riff on those.

This woman was at the front row of a 311 show in 1998 , and the opening riff of Beautiful Disaster just started playing. However, because of misdeeds in a past life she was transported outside in Phoenix in July to watch a meaningless tilt against the Reds. What we do before catches up with us eventually.

Also that particular shirt design isn’t one you can actually buy. Yes I checked.

By the time this new ballpark is opened, 2010s Nostalgia will be a thing. Hence, vuvuzelas will be back in style.


This unsupervised child whose parents couldn’t be bothered to buy a jersey after 2015 or a not-dumb looking hat is finally free. He will be indebted as a taxpayer for the rest of his life because of the stadium, the least he can do is fly the coop and taste real freedom. Go for it!

It also got me thinking that we could use some more sprucing up of D-Backs stock photos. So here are some (Images from the invaluable Dark Stock Photos twitter account.)

It’s Game of Thrones night tonight. I hope at the game tonight there’s a pretty quick character twist that people will say was rushed in. They’re basically right, but if you were to watch earlier in the game, the thing that happened seemed to be brought up a lot. Like the character that did the thing would bring up doing the thing they did as a possibility, but someone else would be like “Nah.” but then it would come up again later. Like it was so ham-fisted that you simultaneously should have seen it coming, but at the same time the execution was always going to be double ham-fisted.

Also, for some reason, people will start signing petitions that the game result should be different, as if that’s a thing that should be taken seriously, and that you can just change the outcome of things you personally don’t like. Don’t sign online petitions like that, you morons.

Finally, I hope there’s a lot more ultraviolence and nudity at Chase Field than usual.

It’s Meltdown May, the month of the year in which people and institutions meltdown. In 2018, the Diamondbacks went 8-19 in May. That didn’t totally derail their playoff hopes. Shutdown September combined with Meltdown May did that. However, you have to wonder the direction of the Franchise now had Meltdown May never happened.

The 2018 Diamondbacks finished 82-80 and 9.5 games out of first, offically. It’s technically 9 out since the Dodgers and Rockies played a game 163.

If they had gone, let’s say, 14-13 during that month they would have finished 88-76. That would not have been enough to make the playoffs in a vacuum. However, three of those losses were to the Dodgers, and if one of those games had turned out the other way, the Rockies would have won the NL West.

Would have just barely missing the playoffs instead of really falling off have changed any of the decision making in the offseason? Would Hazen and company have decided to run in back one more time with Goldschmidt? It’s hard to say.

Now, the real fun thought experiment is if you flipped the record around. 19-8! Still chugging along! In a vacuum, the D-Backs would have finished 92-70. That would have been enough to win the NL West outright even if you don’t flip any of the Dodger results. NL West champions and facing an overachieving Braves team in the first round, while LA would have to travel to a reeling Cubs team for the Wild Card Game. Sure, they stumbled in September, but they were able to weather the storm thanks to padding their lead out in the first months of the season.

If the Diamondbacks win the West, and make it to at least the LCS, I would have bet a lot of money they try to run Goldy back and the whole makeup and tenor of the offseason is different.

Meltdown May has far-reaching consequences. Don’t ever brush it aside.

Yesterday morning at a Circle K, I asked for cash back after a debit card purchase. The cashier said “Sure, even if you’re a Mets fan.” While I was wearing a blue T-Shirt at the time, I was not wearing anything branded with the Mets. I am also very certain that in my 32 years of life that I have never once owned a piece of Mets gear, nor have I worn any that was borrowed from someone else.

Do I carry a world-weary countenance on me at all times? Do I look like I get punched in the solar plexus so constantly that the pain means nothing anymore? Have I the look of a man who looked at Tim Tebow’s Triple-A stats? These are all quite possible.

Basically, I think I got owned. Hard.