New Ways to Have a Heart Attack at Chase Field

“Hey!” you exclaim to your friends/family/coworkers, “We haven’t had an unholy abomination lately!

“You’re right!” they reply, so you jump in your car and tootle on down to the depths of HP Lovecraft’s imagination for lunch.

Okay, so maybe that’s not a conversation you’ll ever actually have, but you might got to a game at Chase Field this season, and that’s basically the same thing. There are lots of new food items at Chase, crowned by a set of 18 inch hot dogs created as a collaboration between Sports Illustrated’s Charlotte Wilder and Chase Field’s Sr. Executive Chef, Stephen Tilder. Each one will only be available for a limited time only, so get ‘em while they’re hot, or something.

• All Day Breakfast Dog

An 18-inch Schreiner’s hot dog topped with hash browns, country gravy, Cheddar cheese, bacon, fried eggs, Tapatío hot sauce and green onion. Available for $30 in April and May only at Big Dawgs.

This one sounds potentially interesting. Fried egg is good for a lot more than just breakfast, with it’s use as a burger topping coming immediately to mind as an analogue for this hot dog. I am slightly worried that the eggs will be fried all the way through, losing the rich yoke that would just completely make something like this. Kind of feel like the Cheddar cheese and green onions are only there for color, but cheese makes everything better so whatevs.

• Reuben Some Dirt On It Dog

An 18-inch Schreiner’s hot dog placed in a rye hot dog bun topped with Reuben mac and cheese, fried pickles, secret sauce and green onion. Available for $30 in June and July only at Big Dawgs.

Not entirely sure what’s going on with this one. What exactly is Reuben mac and cheese? Fried pickles are always a winner, but no mention of sauerkraut, a key ingredient for a Reuben, as well as a classic hot dog topping? And there are those green onions again. Also, anything that comes out of a closed kitchen with ‘secret sauce’ has instantly got me worried.

• S.I. Cover Dog

An 18-inch Schreiner’s bratwurst placed in an onion hot dog bun topped with Jalapeño-Granny Smith apple coleslaw, fried mac and cheese, barbecue aioli, house-cured beer pickles and green onion. Available for $30 in August and September only at Big Dawgs.

This might be the only reason to visit a Dbacks’ game in August and September. I don’t know what Jalapeño-Granny Smith apple coleslaw is, but unlike the Reuben mac and cheese, I want to know. The house-cured beer pickles sound amazing, and the green onions actually make sense on this one. However, I know like all the 18-inch hot dogs that have come before this one, it will be disappointing. Maybe one day the Dbacks’ will realize that there are much better brands of hot dogs and sausagues they could use instead of Schreiner’s

In addition to the signature dogs, there are several other menu items that might be worth checking out. These are all a little less crazy than the dogs, but there are some... gems in there still.

• Chicken and Donuts

Crispy Tyson popcorn chicken mixed with donut holes and covered in powdered sugar served with a side of maple syrup. Available for $11 at Gonzo’s Grill.

Just say no to Gonzo’s grill. Instead of a Tai’s Taco Shop, we once again have this corporate-sponsored shrine to overly processed chicken. This seems to be directly linked to the push back I know they got last season from losing Lolo’s on the surface, so we get Chicken and Donuts. If this is a replacement to Lolo’s, this ain’t it chief.

• 505 Fry Bread Taco

Native fry bread shell topped with ranch beans, carnitas, 505 Southwestern green chile sauce, Cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and sour cream. Available for $14 at Taste of Chase

This is more like it! Taking local foods and putting a new spin on them. I love fry bread, and while I’m not sure how it would work as a taco, it’s worth it to get one, if for no other reason than to encourage this kind of thinking.

• Hatch Valley Cheesesteak

Philly ribeye, 505 Southwestern green chile sauce, cheese sauce and crispy battered onions on a potato roll. Available for $12 at Taste of Chase.

This one is a prime candidate for me to try and recreate it for a Fang Food article. Nothing too terribly fancy, but a nice twist on a great sandwhich. Plus, like the fry bread taco, incorporates some Southwestern flavors, which is something I’ve been clamoring for the Diamondbacks to do, well, since I started doing this.

• Strawberry Cheesecake Shake

Danzeisen strawberry milk, soft serve, strawberries, graham cracker crumbs, New York cheesecake, whipped cream, chocolate and a graham cracker rim. Available for $10 at Sizzle & Cheese and Taste of Chase.

Yes please.

These are the ones that caught my eye, but there are a few others. The Camelback burger is a new option from PV Burger Co, and it and the Mediterranean Vegan Wrap, both of which are for those who avoid the animal prodcuts. There is a fourth, slightly smaller hot dog called the Big Jalapeño Popper Dog, which is exactly what it sounds like. Rounding out the menu are a couple of new grilled cheeses at Sizzle and Cheese, out in right field.

As I make it out to the park this season, you can expect some reviews of these items, and maybe some other ones as the mood strikes me. Plus, you can always count on the Dbacks to announce some special items throughout the season, which we will cover as well. Go Diamondbacks, and Bon Appetite!