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Using a fun online utility, I design a new Diamondbacks stadium

NLCS: Colorado Rockies v Arizona Diamondbacks - Game 1 Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

So, in order to avoid discussing the depressing current events of the Diamondbacks on-field performance again, I’m discussing the depressing future events of the Diamondbacks building a new stadium in a few years.

One of the more unique things about Baseball is that the field of play can be variable dimensions, the height of walls can be as high or low as you want, etc. There’s no limit! So when designer a new D-Backs ballpark, you have to take these into account.

Using the OOTP Park Generator (Which you can use to import custom parks into Out of the Park Baseball Games, but is fun for these exercises) and my own imagination. These aren’t, uh, serious suggestions, but it’s fun to play with, and I encourage you to share your own in the comments!

GENERAL FEEL

This isn’t in the OOTP Editor, but my idea for the new Diamondbacks stadium, which I’ve titled Gentrified Money Grab Field until sponsorship money comes in, is to have it be a dome, but in the vein of U.S. Bank Stadium, have it seem like it’s outside without elements interfering.

“But wait!” you might say “Wouldn’t the glass still transfer heat into the stadium, and isn’t that a death sentence in Phoenix?” Which would be correct, which is why I said “In the vein” and “Seem”. You see, the glass we put over the stadium isn’t glass, it’s one of those big screens you’d see at the planetarium. We could project the daytime or night sky into the air. Or, if we were so buckwild, an actual Pink Floyd Laser Light Show during the actual game! Impractical? Maybe, but the new stadium would be the first to have this totally unecessary feature, and that means bragging rights!

I’d also bring capacity down to about 40,000. Because it’s more exclusive that way, but you can still have big events like when Incubus and Jimmy Eat World have a nostalgia tour 20 years from now, or a sewing machine expo.

This technically goes in the next category, but fits here, but I would make the foul territory Oakland huge. There needs to be distance between the players and you filthy unwashed peasants. Also, would maybe make games a little shorter with fewer foul balls into the stands. I have no data to back this up.

FIELD DIMENSIONS

The first thing to consider when coming up with dimensions for a ballpark is, and you can say it along with me, “Who do I want to spite?” With this in mind, I look at the Red Sox. According to Google, the Green Monster is 37 feet. Well, what if we put a large wall in left field that was 38 feet? Nothing you can do to stop us! I’m the God! I’m the God! Mwahahaahahahaa

So yeah, we do that with a short porch in left. We keep the rest of the park at normal and proportional dimensions, but we also raise the height of those walls. That’ll depress Home Runs, and saves you the cost of another humidor.

The field will be grass in a fun starburst pattern. In this editor you can make custom mow patterns, but I don’t have the patience. Would I have made the outfield the Prison Tattoo Snake With Baseball In Mouth logo? Well, I wouldn’t have not made it that.

So, from entering in these values....

I get this ballpark!

(The distance numbers wouldn’t update when I did, but I didn’t want to start over, deal)

Wanna know what the park factors would be? Well, we got you there too

(Anything >1 is that much more than average, anything <1 is less)

But even then. This all seems sensible. Let’s go with another design...

That’s right. We have ballparks with short porches in right and left. How about a short porch in center? Also, the Argyle field pattern. Also, while not listed on here, this park is in Helsinki.


The utility, as linked above, is fun to play with. Why don’t you try making your own ballpark designs, serious or otherwise, and share them in the comments? I’d be eager to see what you all come up with.