NL 6, AL 8: Brutal All Star Game Recap

It’s 5 p.m. and the folks on Fox Sports are announcing the rosters to the crowd, meanwhile The Brute Squad is enjoying a bbq and many brews. They say this game does not matter and really it does not. What does matter to me is that Dave Roberts is managing Goldy, Greinke and Corbin, for this one game. The rosters have been introduced and I am disappointed, but not surprised that Bryce Harper was cheered for the loudest. Remember folks, he is just a chin, an image, and not an All Star. Now onto Mr. Joe Buck....this guy must have been dipped in formaldehyde to look that young (lol) but be in his 60s. Onto the action....

Game time: Top of the 1st, Scherzer handles Betts and Altuve but struggles with Trout walking him after several pitches. JD Martinez comes up next hitting a single through the outfield moving Trout to third. Nothing comes of this as Jose Ramirez pops out leaving two men on base. Bottom 1st, 1st pitch from Sale to Baez (patted Blue’s ass..) Baez hits a line drive. Arendo comes up and promptly pops out then our Lord Emperor shows mercy on Sale by striking out...Freeman pops out end of the inning.

Top of the 2nd with Judge leading off hits a massive solo dong to score 1st in the All Star Game. The rest of the AL this top half, Machado (future Dodger), then Abreu followed by Puig’s older-doppelgänger Salvador Perez, all do NOTHING. Bottom of 2nd and the Kemp jogs out a double immediately followed by home town man-child Harper striking out. Crawford up and I wonder...how much 3 flowers does this guy use in his perm? Brandon Crawperm strikes out, inning over.

3rd inning is a bit more exciting with a thicc dong from Trout during the top half. Bottom of the half the NL’s Contreras also dongs, 2-1 AL. Apparently all of the outfielder’s are mic’d up so we are muting Kemp’s commentary....Standard Brute Squad procedure. Fun fact about Harper now; 1st position player to start an All Star game batting below .220. Remember Brutes, he is not an All Star. He is only a hairdo.

4th inning nothing and 5th inning nothing lots of pop outs, still 2-1 AL. Before the 6th inning we all #standuptocancer because F cancer, BIG TIME, bros. Top of the 6th AND Baseball goes millennial with Molina taking a selfie with Nelson Cruz during play at home like totally, great...

Top of the 7th Vasquez pitching and he shuts down the NL. Bottom of 7th Morton pitching , big out to start the inning, too bad Cain bro. Lindor now has a direct line to the commentators. Solo home run for Story on a line drive to left field. 7th ends in a tie 2-2.

Top of the 8th and Charlie (Taliban Beard) Blacmon is mic’d up. Lol a pop foul fools Votto who could of caught it but bobbles and drops it at the bullpen railing, Votto charged with an error. Moments later wikifino predicts and realizes Segura’s 3 run dongzo making it 5-2 AL. Did I mention I miss Segura (and Haniger)? Bottom of the 8th and Yelich quickly responds with a solo dong so thiccc the score is now 5-3 AL up...Cain once again strikes out ending the 8th.

At this point Corbin and Greinke have yet to make an appearance, meanwhile The Lord Goldy (praise be) struck out once and walked.

Top 9th now and the crowd is stating to fizzle out. The game has shown us nothing but dongs, selfies, beers and salsa. Remember this game means nothing, at least to Harper WHO HAS DONE NOTHING! NOTHING! Bottom of the 9th and Stripling (not Jansen) is up to pitch for the NL, wait....did Jansen not make the team? The new Jansen (Stripling) finished the top of the 9th for the NL score still 5-3 AL. The peanut gallery mentions how this game is like summer camp for the big leaguers with the selfies and giggling and lollypops.

AND SCOOTER (The Future of baseball) GENNETT HITS A MASSIVE 2 RUN DONGZO!!! Game now tied in the bottom of the 9th 5-5. Aguilar got close to hitting the game winning HR but it was caught about 8 ft in front of the wall., We go to extra innings, brohaaams.

Meanwhile Stripling is brought back in for the top of the 10th to pitch for the NL I guess Roberts is showing his bias now. Stripling (the new Jansen) quickly gives up back to back HRs (maybe Roberts should have pitched Corbin or Greinke). Roberts refuses to pull Stripling. Stripling then gives up a single to the next batter and somehow is still in this game. NO OUTS runner on 1st and Stripling is still in this game. Roberts is obviously dumbass. Yet another single given up by Stripling while Roberts looks likes he is confused in the dugout chewing gum. Stripling is at a 32 pitches now and STILL IN THE DAMN GAME!!!!!The crowd starts to boo. WHY IS STRIPLING STILL PITCHING? DODGER ROBERTS BIAS IN FULL AFFECT!!!!! 3rd out finally comes with a groundout to 1st, maybe Roberts will have Stripling pitch the next inning, too. 8-5 AL, damn you Stripling and Roberts, you Dodger scums.

Bottom of the 10th: Day late and a Dollar short, Joey Votto hits a Solo Shot in a meaningless run for the National league. The AL closes it out using Happ, defeating the Dodger’s Stripling and Roberts in 10 innings.

AL defeats Dave Roberts in 10 innings 8-6. Alex Bregman wins the Ted Williams Award for the game winning HR.

Bells and whistles by Jimbroham.

Well, Fangraphs has decided to take the night off, so there’ll be no Fangraph present tonight. But I’m guessing Jean Segura, Scooter Gennett and Alex Bregman were probably the winners in terms of Win Probability, with the pitchers they homered off being the sinners. Present in the Gameday Thread were GuruB, Jack Sommers, Jackwriter, Jim McLennan, JoeCB1991, Johnneu, Keegan Thompson, Michael McDermott, MrMrrbi, The so-called Beautiful, asteroid, coldblueAZ, emilylovesthedbacks and hotclaws.

We’ll be back tomorrow, most likely for some post-Machado becoming Dodger scum discussion!