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Arizona Diamondbacks 9, Miami Marlins 1: Fish get battered

The Diamondbacks pounded out a franchise-tying six home-runs and took the opener.

Mets v Marlins

Well, due to some newfangled space-age diet this will mark my last “beer”cap, at least for a month. Curious to see what happens to my godlike figure when beer is removed from the equation for 30days.....we’ll see.

Beer #1: Digital Bath by Belching Beaver

  • Well, technical difficulties with security access to our glorious webpage forces me to write this on Word. No prob, at least this cool beer and even cooler logo helps me forget how frustrating getting a new phone and re-doing all apps and their corresponding security can be. Yay 2 Part Authenticator!
  • Goldy still looks very human, to the point that had he hair in years prior I’d wonder at who cursed us with a certain set of clippers. Still, he got a hit, bringing up Lamb with now two men on.
  • Lamb and the much praised JRM can’t bring those runners home, but Peralta saves both me and my girlfriend from the mess of ritual suicide. Seriously, if I have to endure another offensive-less game….it’ll be tough
  • May is behind us though, time to move onward to new vistas of RBIs and sub 3 ERA. Not quite sold on Buchholz for that latter part of our June journey, but so far in this game and his last he’s been solid at the very least.
  • Holy shit. Desclutcho does it again. Another HR from the one guy going in to the season we knew would be solid, but never expected to be earth-shatteringly awesome. 3-0 Dbacks
  • Buchholz and his cutters cruise through the 3rd and I’m just about ready for my next beer. Once again I emphasize this weekend will be the last time I have beer for a month…. Gotta capitalize.
  • Lamb smash!! 4-0 Dbacks and I realize just how much I missed this offensive production.

Beer #2: No Coast IPA by Tombstone Brewing Co.

  • FREE TACOS!!!! My timing for this fine Arizona made ale could not be better as Peralta crushes yet another homer 5-0 D-backs. So this is what offensive looks like?
  • Fish get through what I’m pretty sure is their first scoreless inning here in the 4th. Guess Goldy is merciful in his slump as well as awful. Sigh, I miss the old Goldy.
  • Writing with my girlfriend comfortably laying on top of me is a challenge for a writer of my dubious skills, but I feel that after years of writing from Papago Brewing Co. that I’m due for a challenge. Perhaps one day soon I’ll convert her to the Cult of the Snakepit, but until then she’ll surf reddit as I watch baseball.
  • Buchholz deals and deals again in the 5th, bringing me to a problem. Initially I had chosen this night as a last hurrah for beer, but the torrid pace of this game confounds me! Many dollars of fine craft ale was purchased in preparation of viewing a drawn out, bitter and frustrating baseball game. Not quite the case...
  • Avila who? JRM crushes a 2-run blast further cushioning our lead and further making every fan wonder why we’d ever start anyone but JRM at catcher. 7-0 Dbacks
  • Girlfriend chimes in “They must have had a pep-talk” as Marte deposits his own HR in to left. Me thinks she’s not wrong. 8-0 Dbacks end of the 5th.
  • LAWL!!!!! Bucholz elicits a bat throw to end the top half the 6th. It’s not often you see a batter whiff so mightily that he sends his bat sailing away like a Styx song. Love it.

Beer 3: Accumulated Knowledge by Modern Times

  • One beer change was good luck, the next seemed to speed the demise of Buchholz in the 7th. 1run in and the bases loaded as I type this. Kinda hairy I know.
  • A nice taco-tastic 8-1 lead going in to the 8th. The soothing beats of Leagues Beneath by the band Sleep echo in the background. I am content….until I see De La Rosa come up to the mound. The haze of contentment lifts and my ire begins to nope, we’re good. Double plays tend to help ease ones concerns quite a bit. On to the bottom of the 8th and that majestic lead still remains.
  • The hits keeps coming! Marte must love breaking out of such a spectacular slump in such spectacular fashion with two bombs. If only this offense could do this every night. 9-1 D-backs.
  • Time now for the ninth, and I’ve so many beers prepared, and so many that may hopefully have to wait.
  • Salas though appears to wish to draw this on. I’m beginning to agree with EddBiggHead that he should be sent to contemplate his poor pitching upon the Tree of Woe.
  • He’ll avoid that stint at the tree at least for now. Night all. WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bells and whistles

Click here for details, at
The Cod-father: Clay Buchholz, +21.9%
Found Nemo: Daniel Descalso, +17.7%; Peralta, =13.8%
Raw like sushi: Ketel Marte, -4.0%

Yep, can’t be many times that a guy hits two home-runs and STILL ends up not just negative in WP, but the worst on the team! An almost entirely happy Gameday Thread - not many of those in May! - was populated by: AzDbackfanInDc, DORRITO, DeadManG, Diamondhacks, GoldyHitAnotherOne, GuruB, Imstillhungry95, Jim McLennan, Johnneu, Makakilo, Michael McDermott, MikeMono, MrMrrbi, Renin, Sean Testerman, SedonaRed24, ShirtOffYourBack, Sprankton, TylerO, Xerostomia, asteroid, coldblueAZ, gamepass, hotclaws, lildbackfan21x, shoewizard, smartplays and suroeste. Comment of the night to hotclaws, who summed things up very accurately:

A quick update on Jorge De La Rosa, who left the game with what was diagnosed as right Achilles tightness. We’ll see how this plays out. Tomorrow, it’s a late game, starting at 7:10pm. but there will be a large crowd for Goldy bobblehead night. Zack Greinke starts for the D-backs, and I don’t think anyone here would mind a repeat of tonight!