By definition, losing is not fun. Losing especially is not fun when it's in front of a national primetime television audience and comes as the icing on top the proverbial suck cake that is getting swept at home in four games by the Washington Nationals. The Diamondbacks were unlucky enough to partake in some of that cake, but instead of polite, muted bites followed by suppressed disgust, they pile-drove their faces into it and devoured it like your uncle Benny those cold bar nachos after one too many Coors Lites. Something something, at least we're not the Dodgers, right?

That's okay though, because the insipid machine that conjured up this season's monstrosity of a schedule was kind enough to give us a nice series against the red-hot Brewers to get back on track. The same Brewers who just finished up a decisive road-series win against the Rockies and look hungry to continue their climb up that bloodbath of an NL Central's standings. The same Brewers who have a promising young rotation and a starting lineup featuring such studs as Christian Yelich, Eric Thames — thunder roars in the distance, shaking the study walls of my modest log cabin — Jesus Aguilar, Orlando Arcia — the thunder unleashes its vicious cry once more, only this time it's felt much closer; the foundation of my home shakes as I tightly grip my quill, and at that moment, I'm struck by a realization: this is no ordinary thunder — Travis Shaw — something is drawing near... I can feel it — Lorenzo Cain — I hear footsteps just outside my window. Thunderous footsteps which call out to me, commanding, nay, BEGGING for a veneration which I have no desire to give. My entire being shakes as the steps move from the western flank of my home to just outside the door. The owner of those footsteps has arrived. — and — May God have mercy on my soul.

Ryan Braun.

My front door suddenly bursts open, and from the dust steps a tall, goofy looking man donning an Aaron Rodgers jersey and Cheesehead hat whilst holding a platter adorned with the finest meats and cheeses Festival Foods has to offer.

“Uh, sorry I'm, uh, late. I had to pick up my daughter from, uh — clears throat — soccer practice.”

The sheer terror of this Lovecraftian being tears at the very seams of my physical and metaphysical existences. In an instant I am torn apart and cast into the void, where I shall spend the rest of my days wallowing in the bitterest of agony.

Starting Pitching Matchups

Game 1: RHP Junior Guerra (2-3, 3.09 ERA) vs LHP Patrick Corbin (4-0, 2.12 ERA)

Advantage: D-backs

Game 2: RHP Jhoulys Chacin (3-1, 4.00 ERA) vs. RHP Zack Greinke (3-2, 3.70 ERA)

Advantage: D-backs

Game 3: RHP Brandon Woodruff (1-0, 8.03 ERA) vs. RHP Matt Koch (2-1, 2.43)

Advantage: D-backs

Prediction

If the Diamondbacks' pitching staff can continue their dominance and the offense picks up where they left off last night against the Nationals, 2 out of 3 or even a sweep are very real possibilities. If the Brewers continue their hot-streak and tack on just a few too many runs for our unisnpired offense, 1 out of 3 may end up being a little optimistic.