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My one terrible wish

I lay out one thing a Diamondbacks post-season run would mean, in all its schadenfreude

Milwaukee Brewers v Arizona Diamondbacks Photo by Jennifer Stewart/Getty Images

So the Diamondbacks are good this year! Yay. There are reasons for this that you can read on a lot of other articles on this website. Currently, Fangraphs has their playoff odds at 75%. That’s pretty good, though nothing certain, obviously. At the very least, the Diamondbacks have a very good chance to make the postseason, especially considering the state of the rest of the National League.

A postseason appearance would mean a lot of things. It will mean that Dave Stewart’s mad visions had some clarity, it will mean that a reset of personnel might have been what kickstarted this team and made it reach its full potential. It puts at interesting twist on Mike Hazen’s plans for the future.

One thing, for me, that this means is clear: UNIFORMS BEING ALL OVER NATIONAL TELEVISION. The Diamondbacks are in year two of their new uniform style(s). You think, at this point, people would be at least used to it, whether or not they find them aesthetically pleasing, and move on with their lives. YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

And so, I want the Diamondbacks to make a deep playoff run. Not only just for the usual reasons: It would validate my existence, bring a fleeting moment of happiness before returning to the empty void, getting some cool merch, etc. But, that means the precious neutral fan TV Eyeballs would be on the Diamondback uniforms. And Lord knows they’re gonna complain. And I am here for it.

“Oh, what’s that? You think the road gray is whack? You seem to be an Angels fan, so no amount of gray is more whack than not being able to build around the best player of this generation.”

I want them to make the World Series, and if that series has to go seven games, they wear a different uniform for each of them. (I worked it out in my head, this is possible with the 2-3-2 series format whether the Diamondbacks get home field or not) I want them to randomly decide, in the deciding game, to bring back the bloody pants. The tweet complaining will be glorious, and I will revel in it like so.

This may not be a totally healthy attitude, but I don’t care. The fact that the new uniforms still make people this angry is kind of funny to me. I’m sure the readership of this website is sort of where I am: It was jarring at first but once you watch the team everday you get used to it and you’re more concerned about the play on the field. But imagining a team losing to the Diamondbacks in a playoff series and the first thing they say on Twitter is “I can’t believe we lost to that team with the (series of swear words and borderline ethnic slurs because it’s twitter about uniforms)” That is just *Chef kissing fingers*

... Yeah, that probably isn’t healthy. I should take up fishing or something.