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Arizona Diamondbacks 13, Los Angeles Dodgers 5: The Riddle of WAR

Today’s beercap will be joined by the great and powerful Eddbigghead. We’ll contemplate this game upon many an ale and arrive to uninformed yet passionate conclusions. So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

“Let the Dodgers ponder their fate upon the Tree of Woe.”

Beer 1 (for both of us): Baked Goods Pale Ale by Clown Shoes

  • ....2 run blast to start the game and Edd and I are not feeling too good about this game. Luckily the Wandering Tortoise has ample amounts of beer to help sooth our angry souls.
  • Lamb fields Puig’s hard grounder to 3rd to end the inning. Great beer btw - eD
  • Pollock, not appeased with Walker’s apparent lack of progress, crushes a pool-shot on the first pitch. 1-2 Dodgers
  • Lamb strikes out to end a somewhat miserable 1st inning. - eD
  • Turambar states that I am not drunk enough yet, he is displeased with my analysis and therefore I must consume greater amounts of silly juice. - eD
  • Chase Utley’s BA is worse than his Trivago face. Sliding? Playoffs? Trivago. 1-2 Dodgers as we go to the bottom of the 2nd - eD
  • Turner is an Amish-leprechaun-jehova-witness - eD
  • Peralta does a thing, thanks to eD’s spot-on analysis on waiting on those changeups. By spot-on I mean not spot-on at all as he still didn’t let up. Still, a base runner is a good thing overall.
  • DFA MATHIS end of the 2nd Dbacks 1, Unwashed Pork Eating Dodgers 2. - eD
  • Why would we want to listen in on Tom Whilhelms’td’ve’s? -eD

Beer 2 (also both of us): Lunch Break Session IPA by Breakside Brewing

  • We both figured that pumping the breaks on the abv of our beers was a wise choice as this game gets revved up. May be the very decision that saves our lives as this game trudges on.
  • Torey could easily be Frankenstein for helloween, he has that dread look. -eD
  • Rick Honeycutt is looking very healthy and is competing for fattest coach-face in baseball. So far Hurdle leads the category, with Honeycutt in a close 2nd and Bochy in 3rd. - eD
  • Marcus, the dark god of Oskar Blues (read Regional Rep), has graced us with his presence. Not only does he know beer, but he knows baseball as well. Truly this is a day of days here at Wandering Tortoise.
  • Some may not know, but when Goldy was crucified he was not alone. For on each side of him there was others. On his left, was Lamb, on his right was Pollock cue the latin orthodox church music.... End of the 3rd Dbacks 2 - Most unclean 2. - eD
  • If Upton was playing right field he would of caught that off the wall double by Turner to lead off the top of the 4th. Upton for hall of fame, amirite? -eD
  • Dodgers do a silly thing. Turner, who runs like a glacier, tries to make it home on a grounder to Owing’s, and then gunned down like the dog he looks like. 2-2 going in to the bottom of the 4th

Beer 3: Ice Pilsner by Modern Times

  • Well, I didn’t want this pilsner, but I sure as hell wanted this game. Looks like it’ll be a close. Very close...
  • Peralta strikes out, anyone care to COMMENT on his tweaked batting stance and swing? - eD
  • Mathis (along with Peralta) just can’t seem to come through and we go in to the 5th slightly more inebriated but no closer to winning.....for now. 2-2 tied
  • Walker gives up a outfield single to someone which scores the 3rd Dodger run.
  • That’s the end of the top of the 5th, The Swine Merchants get one run. Dbacks 2, Swine Merchants 3. -eD
  • Lamb, so gentle and so meek, giveth us hope. His immaculate single giveth us the lead when we thought all hope gone. 4-3 Dbacks.

Beer 4: Galactica IPA by clown shoes, so hoppy, very moist. - eD

  • Wood pulled (giggity) from the game bottom of the 5th, D-backs threaten with a runner at 1st and Tomas up to bat. 2 outs. Tomas flies out to Puig. Inning over. - eD
  • Peralta with a fielding error turns a double into a triple. 2 outs top of the 6th. We used to have an Upton in LF, let’s move past those defensive days. - eD
  • Peralta’s failure at life bites us in the ass and Walker is pulled. 4-4 as we bring in De La Rosa......who gets a pop up to end this madness.
  • Runners advance on a past ball by the unclean relief pitcher. Don’t mind if I Baez.... D-backs on 3rd and 2nd ZERO outs bottom of the 6th. Gonna Baez some more beer right quick. -eD
  • Mathis strikes out, 2 runners still in scoring position. 1 out. Hazelbaker in...who strikes out followed by AJ flying out as well....still 4-4 with Archie coming in......
  • Your god Bradley shows us that he is mortal. Gives up a HR to some random bottom feeder. Clearly Butcher is doing good things for us. Butcher is building better worlds. All of them, better worlds. -eD
  • Joc Pederson with a single past a stretching Lamb... In other news, Joc’s chin pubes look like they’re straight outta mid 90s pretty fly for a white guy land. Aaaaaaand Now your GOD Bradley hits Turner with a pitch. 1 out, Maker and Creators of the Devil are on 1st and 2nd.....-eD
  • Double play ends the top of the 7th.

Beer 5: Lupulin River IPA by Knee Deep. And its good. very good. Such thirst quenched. Much wow. - eD

  • Goldy: he of the might, he of the glory and he eternal. Hits a double....after a triple was somehow overturned. Not sure just how, but it was. Reasons I guess. 4-5 Dodgers going in to the 8th
  • Dodgers being typical crybabies/Joc didn’t even throw his hands up to signal the ball was stuck. Science I HATE THEM. -eD
  • I see Berthiaume that sickly looking kid, is arguing that the call was correct via Dave Roberts. Does Berthiaume work for us? Or is he a Russian Fake News spy troll? -eD
  • Top of the 8th 2 outs Beardly still pitching -eD
  • Top of the 8th over, onto a very hitty so far bottom of the 8th. Our third base coach Peppercini almost gets railroaded by a hot hit to LF. Zero outs, runner on 3rd and 1st. -eD
  • Just to update yous guys, The Brute Squad has yet to reach final form. Sooon. Soooooon my dogs of .WAR -eD
  • Turambar almost coughed up a lungo after that walk on Ianetta.. .Turambar is scrolling the wall menu for our next moistness. -eD
  • Bases juiced no outs for Delscalso....who walks, tie game at 4 each. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making LA fans believe they could fit into their clothes. - eD
  • My life is better for reading that last remark. So much better. The Dodgers bullpen though appears to have forgotten what “better” means. That’s a good thing for us.

Beer 6: City Slickers Prickly Pear IPA by AZ Wilderness

  • There has been a balk, and now our glorious Dbacks lead 6-5 in the 8th. This is not the beer speaking, but it’s the madness that is unfolding before us.
  • Romo looks like a typical Dodger fan now, but 100lbs lighter. Romo, so LA right now...I bet he drivers a Nissan Altima and yells at you for not letting him merge when a lane closes. -eD
  • Bases loaded now for Goldy, 1 out. Goldy is so dreamy. Bottom of the 8th. -eD
  • Blue angers Goldy with a strike call waaaaaaaay outside. Unfriending Blue now.
  • Lord Emperor with a two run single, hopefully the diaper babies don’t argue - Dbacks 8 -Street Beggas 5. -eD
  • Tomas, who has grown weary of the Dodgers, drives in 2 more runs. 10-5 Dbacks. Such is the way of the sword.
  • Butcher is obviously the bp coach of the Dodgers...-eD
  • Bases loaded still, 1 out Peralta up, lots of late swing for him this game.....aaaand he strikes out. His batting stance is F’d, his swing is F’d. That’s my bleacher report. 2 outs now, bases still juiced.
  • The Dodger catcher continues to rely on strike calls by 3rd and 1st bases blues. Crybaby. -eD

[At this point, Turambar’s laptop ran out of juice. Much like the Dodger bullpen. Jim takes over, dotting the i’s, crossing the t’s - and adding a few apostrophes, truth be told!]

The D-backs ended up scoring nine runs in the eighth inning: after the above there was also a two-run single by Chris Iannetta, and an RBI double from Daniel Descalso. They mentioned on the broadcast that it was the biggest inning ever against the Dodgers? Big, if true, I’d say. It took the Dodgers four pitchers and 57 pitches to get through that frame, though as Sprankton noted, they struck out the side. We were fortunately spared Fernando Rodney in a one-run game, and Andrew Chafin worked a 1-2-3 ninth, to tidy everything up.

A.J. Pollock ended a triple short of the cycle, despite fanning twice in the same inning, as he made both the first and third outs. Brandon Drury reached base four times, on two hits and two walks; David Peralta and Paul Goldschmidt each had two hits and a walk. Iannetta and Descalso each reached base twice, getting a hit, a walk and two RBI apiece - not bad, considering they didn’t enter the game until the bottom of the eighth!

Click here for details, at
Lust for Life: Brandon Drury, 29.6%
I Wanna Be Your Dog: Peralta, +29.7%; Descalso, +15.4%; Goldschmidt, +12.0%; Lamb, +11.9%
The Idiot: Taijuan Walker, -16.3%
I'm Bored: Tomas, -14.8%; Mathis, -12.2%; Hazebaker, -11.3%

That was a Gameday Thread, wasn’t it. Thanks to those who were present, who would be: AZSunDevilP, AzRattler, BIGredmc, BenSharp, DbacKid, Diamondhacks, GuruB, I suppose I'm a Pessimist, Imstillhungry95, JTyson, Jackwriter, Jim McLennan, JoeCB1991, JoeyLewis, Keegan Thompson, Makakilo, Michael McDermott, MrMrrbi, Nate Rowan, RMHSVoice, SongBird, Sprankton, Xerostomia, aldma, asteroid, blue_bulldog, coldblueAZ, hotclaws, kamshing, makattack71, megnetic, onedotfive, pcmonk and smartplays. No Sedona Red comments, so by executive authority, I’m going with Michael’s Tweet.

Turn it red, folks! Or whatever the Twitter equivalent thereof is... :) Back at Chase Field tomorrow, hopefully for more of the eighth inning magic, with Robbie Ray taking on Kenta Maeda, in a game that starts at 5:10pm.