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Churro Dogs, Funnel Cake, and BACON! Oh my!

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The Diamondbacks have unveiled a number of new “food” items. Let’s break ‘em down and see what I’ll be eating this year!

MLB: San Francisco Giants at Arizona Diamondbacks Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports

This year, they actually have a lot of new additions to the menu. There are several items at the restaurants that are already there, and a couple new stands as well. However, we are just going to focus on the five items that the Diamondbacks have featured throughout the spring, ranked in the order that I am looking forward to them, with some of my thoughts on them. Ave Caesar, morituri te salutant...

#1. Churro Dog 2.0

White iced long john donut, churro rolled in Oreo crumbs, frozen yogurt, whipped cream and topped with strawberry topping, chocolate sauce and Oreo cookie crumbs

Location: Designated Dessert portables

Now, I’m actually a pretty big fan of the original churro dog. Was it pure sugar, topped with sugar, and then seasoned with sugar? Yeah, totally was. Was it also delicious? Well, I liked it. Other’s millage varied. I’m looking forward to the update, since it adds some much needed, different flavored sugars to the mix.

#2. Bacon-wrapped Pretzel Baguette

12-inch, bacon-wrapped pretzel baguette stuffed with black forest ham and Swiss cheese and served with honey mustard and roasted jalapeño ranch.

Location: Taste of Chase (Section 130)

You had me at bacon. I could leave the pretzel baguette, since the vast majority of pretzel bread is just a nice way of saying flavorless, tough, chewy bread, but wrapped in bacon, stuffed with ham and cheese, with jalapeno ranch? Where do I sign up?

#3. Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich

Crispy chicken fillet, garlic black pepper Cheddar, house strawberry jam, powdered sugar and maple syrup, served on two funnel cakes

Location: Taste of Chase (Section 130)

This definitely takes the cake (pun intended) for bizarre. I’m honestly not sure what my opinions of this one are. On the one hand, the crispy chicken and the garlic, black pepper cheddar sound like the beginnings of a great, savory, sandwich. On the other hand, everything else make it sound like a desert. One big strike it already has against it, however, is that I see no indication that they will be using Lolo’s Chicken for this dish, which seems like a waste of a perfectly good opportunity to me.

#4. Chicken Enchilada Dog

18-inch chicken enchilada sausage, queso blanco, enchilada sauce, pico de gallo, black olives, sour cream and tortilla strips on a talera hot dog roll

Location: Big Dawgs (Section 126)

This is the culinary equivalent of a network making up an unwanted spinoff/prequel/sequel series of a beloved TV show in order to manufacture ratings. In this analogy, the D-bat dog is the beloved original series, the chicken enchilada dog is Stargate: Universe

#5. Sonoran Vegan Burger

Vegan burger, vegan pepper jack, soy chorizo, chipotle veganaise, cowboy caviar and guacamole on a wheat bun

Location: Red Hot (Section 139)

As a card-carrying member of P.E.T.A (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals), I am not the target audience for this particular meal. I do understand that there are people who disagree with me that every one of God’s creatures has it’s place in the world, right next to the peas and potatoes, and it is a nice gesture that the Diamondbacks are providing a meal that sounds like it would be delicious if it wasn’t made out of rabbit food.

Those are just the featured items on the list this year. There are bunch more items that aren’t featured that I’ll probably cover at some point this year. Also, I do plan on doing a review of two new franchised restaurants that are coming in this year, Sizzle and Cheese and AZONA Street Tacos. Looking forward to having you all join me on this crazy journey of triple bypass surgery combined with diabetes!