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The 12 Days of Dbacks-mas: The Final Version

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Tired, overweight and slightly grumpy, we reach the end of the festive season.

Choir of King's College rehearsals Photo by Chris Radburn/PA Images via Getty Images

On the final day of the rewriting, we had a tie at the top. AzRattler suggested “12 months of bad sports teams in Arizona,” while GuruB was every bit as popular with “12 DC bans,” a reference to everyone’s favorite* SnakePitter [* = terms and conditions apply. Valid only between 4-6pm the following day, with the purchase of a large drink, at participating locations]. After much agonizing over the options, the judging panel opted for the kinder, gentler option, in tune with the kinder, gentler New Year. So the last stanze will be:

Twelve months of bad sports teams in Arizona

We’ll see what happens. But right now, it certainly isn’t looking good. With the Cardinals’ season already in the books, the winning percentages for the current or most recent Arizona teams are as follows:

  1. Arizona Cardinals: .469
  2. Arizona Diamondbacks: .426
  3. Arizona Coyotes: .365 [counting OT losses as a half]
  4. Phoenix Suns: .306

That’s a pretty dire state of affairs. When we looked at the past five years, there was a case Phoenix had done better than Philadelphia and Minnesota, but I’m not sure even they have had all four sports teams post losing records concurrently. I’ll have to dig into that, and see what we find. The Coyotes and Suns still have a chance to pull it out, but would appear to have a hellacious climb ahead of them if they’re to do so. The D-backs will be next up with a fresh start: in case you’re wondering, they will need 76 wins this year to edge out the Cardinals in win percentage [albeit only at the fourth decimal point, .4691 to .4688]. We’ll see if they can manage it...

This completes the carol, so clearing our throat for one last time - all together now!

On the twelfth day of Xmas, Ken Kendrick gave to me...

  • Twelve months of bad sports teams in Arizona
  • Eleven Goldy Bobbleheads
  • Ten Leaps of Faith in Prospects
  • Nine D-back Corn Dogs
  • Eight bad relievers
  • Seven fans a'sitting
  • Six months of torture
  • Five division rings
  • Four robot umps
  • Three Miller wins
  • Two Cuban projects
  • And a catcher you can have for free!