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At the Airport

The FO needs to be Lane Kiffin'd for my sanity.

David McNew/Getty Images

In all of sports, the thing that has happened that was simultaniously the most cold and the most hilarious happened in 2013, and involved a team from the valley.

Lane Kiffin, formerly the head football coach at the University of Southern California and noted jerkass, was fired on the tarmac of Los Angeles International AIrport after losing by like 50 points to Arizona State at something like 4:30 in the morning. Not only was this an unceremonious way to lose one's job, the people in charge at USC wanted you to know that they did that and that every little detail of it was true.

Why do I bring this up? Because I'm at the point where my respect for Ken Kendrick and company would skyrocket if he pulled something like that with LaRussa/Stewart at the end of the year. Or hell, do it after they do the beltway series. Leave them behind on a tour of the Lincoln Memorial. Send out a press release about everything. Tell Rich Hill they thought about pitching kind of inside once. I'm at that point.

It's not really anger anymore, or frustration. It's really just a need for a reset button. It's flushing toxins out of the system at this point. I could use a more graphic metaphor for that, but I think Jim will get mad at me. It just... there's no good reason to keep them around, for the sake of all parties, but mostly me. Whether the team rebuilds for the future or decides to go on a run, I don't trust these people to be able to do either correctly. Throw a bunch of money at Alex Anthopoulos, see if Ray Montgomery will forgive you. Just hire someone who isn't some attempt at starf****ery because they're a famous baseball person.

Who knows what will happen. The only thing more unpredictable than the Management group is the Ownership group. I just personally need a fresh start. And the aforementioned airport thing would be a good way to do it. They'd get over it. It's been three years and it still makes me laugh.

And really, with the whole A.J. Preller thing that went down yesterday, the Diamondbacks need to get some of that front office weirdness mojo back. Can't get one-upped by the freaking Padres.

Of course, if we extend the USC metaphor, the outgoing FO would find success with like the Yankees or something, and then the Diamondbacks would hire a guy using a search firm that finds some mediocre guy with an industry-known drinking issue. (Then again, considering TLR we may have already passed that. *cough cough*)

But for now. I need a break. Could be a clean one, but a dramatic one would be nice, and a warm Phoenix evening on the runway of Sky Harbor would be a nice backdrop.... One can hope. 4