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I HAVE AN OPINION

MY THOUGHTS ON THE DIAMONDBACKS ARE UNIQUE AND SHOULD BE HEARD REGARDLESS OF ACTUAL CONTENT

By Charlie Gebow
Jens-Ulrich Koch/Getty Images

I THINK THE DIAMONDBACKS SHOULD FIRE CHIP HALE... FROM A CANNON IN THE SEVENTH INNING STRETCH LIKE THEY DID IN THE OLD TIMEY CIRCUS TO INCREASE ATTENDANCE

THE FACT THE DIAMONDBACKS HAVE A MARKETING DEPARTMENT AT ALL AND PLAN EVENTS BEFORE THE SEASON TO HELP BOOST ATTENDANCE LIKE EVERY OTHER TEAM EVER MEANS THEY AREN'T SERIOUS ABOUT WINNING

EVERYTIME PHIL GOSSELIN COMES TO BAT MY TEETH FILLINGS START TO HURT SO THEY SHOULD DEFINITELY TRADE HIM.

I KNEW A GUY IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL NAMED DAVID WHO WAS A BULLY AND A GUY IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH THE LAST NAME PERALTA WHO WAS SUSPENDED FOR SETTING OFF A SMOKE BOMB IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM SO DAVID PERALTA IS A BUM.

BRING BACK JEFF MOORAD!

THE THIRD BASEMAN ON MY PRISON SOFTBALL LEAGUE TEAM COULD BEAT UP JAKE LAMB

RED HATS ARE ACTUALLY GOOD

JEAN SEGURA SHOULD CHANGE HIS AT-BAT MUSIC TO "3 AM" BY MATCHBOX 20 BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S A PLEASANT SONG TO LISTEN TO.

I THINK CHASE FIELD SHOULD HAVE A BOJANGLES.

THE DIAMONDBACKS WOULD BE BETTER IF THEY AS A TEAM CONVERTED TO SCIENTOLOGY.

I COULD BEAT EVERY FORMER PLAYER SPECIAL ASSISTANT AT STARCRAFT. EXCEPT THAT FREAKIN' ZERG RUSHING WILLIE BLOOMQUIST.

I SAW DERRICK HALL WITH THE DEVIL! I SAW TONY LARUSSA WITH THE DEVIL! I SAW DEJON WASTSON WITH THE DEVIL!

THE DIAMONDBACKS SHOULD SIGN OR TRADE FOR THIS KIND OF OBSCURE PLAYER WITH A NEGATIVE CAREER WAR BUT I SAW HIT A HOMER ON A GAME ON TV ONE TIME.

I SOLICITED TWITTER FOR OPINIONS BUT IN MY OPINION PEOPLE ASKING QUESTIONS IS NOT ACTUALLY AN OPINION BUT HERE ARE THE BEST ONES

I THINK SOCO IS BEING A LITERAL SMARTASS

I THINK THE FACT THAT THE BOOTH OF THE DIAMONDBACKS PROMOTING EVENTS OR NICKNAMES OR ALL-STAR BALLOTING IS ANNOYING AND IS INDICATIVE OF THEM AND NOT MY SMALL-MINDEDNESS AND A MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THEIR JOB IS.

I BET PAUL GOLDSCHMIDT REALLY LIKES POPCORN. NO REASON.

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