PHOENIX (Snakepit News Services) -- The Arizona Diamondbacks, in an effort to cash in on the burgeoning novelty food slash baseball market, have introduced the D-Back Meat Ragnarok, a new dynamic food option available on the main concourse at Chase Field.
The Meat Ragnarok was created by an elderly German scientist, Franz Übermann. While terse and cold about his origins, Dr. Übermann was delighted to share his recipe for the Meat Ragnarok.
- 1 Natural Organic 70 OZ Hamburger Patty
- 2 lb block of melted Pepperjack cheese
- A touch of a special sauce that is definitely not a handful of "Fire" sauces we took from a Taco Bell and mixed together
- 1 lb of hand grown fresh tomatoes straight from the Tomato Monks of Andorra
- 0.3 lb of onions stolen from the Onion Unicorn who has since vowed revenge, driving up the market price.
- 3 actual Hot Dogs, buns and all, stuffed inside the patty.
- 1 Pork Chop, cooked on a George Foreman grill by a stoned English Major at Glendale Community College.
- Some field rations bought at an Army Surplus store. Probably fine.
- A layer of Sour Cream and Onion Lays
- An actual damn cake
- A whole wheat bun coated with a thin film of Chorizo
- An IV so you can inject the juices from cooking straight into your veins.
- A large Diet Coke
Available on the concourse on the 100 level. Find a door you didn't see there before. Knock three times and ask for Roscoe.