At about 5 PM Tuesday night, I walked over to Section 111 at Chase Field. There, in a quiet, unassuming stand, I found the home of the Triple Play Sundae. Portions of Cake Batter, Strawberry, and Chocolate, topped off with crumbled graham cracker, chunks of brownie, sprinkles, several waffle cones, and God only knows what else packed into a replica batting helmet, it's basically diabetes in a bowl. Joining me on this adventure was my dad, brother, and Songbird. They all thought, to varying degrees, that I was insane for attempting this, and I'm pretty sure that Dad is looking into having me committed. Despite all this, I tried it anyway.
Right about first pitch, I met up with Songbird back over by the Shrine of Insanity. I handed the lady at the register $25 of my hard earned bucks. It took two workers to construct the monstrosity. I carefully carried it back over to my seats, and the process began.
It was difficult to know where to start. There were so many options. Do I start with the ice cream? Do I eat it with the triangles of waffle cones like a dip? Do I blend it all together and and drink it with a straw? Looking back, I should have gone with that last option, but instead I tackled it with just a tiny little spoon. If I could make one suggestion to the Dbacks, it would be to include a small shovel or maybe even a trowel with every purchase from now on. It would be very helpful if you actually want one person to eat one of these things by themselves.
It actually was pretty tasty. It's basically an elaborate version of Neapolitan, with some good toppings. If it came in a smaller, slightly more human size. I'd probably make it a ball park tradition.
However, it only comes in the two pound size, which is a bit excessive. Just a bit. Not to much. Just a little.
I started off strong, going straight to the ice cream, while making sure to give plenty of love to the toppings as well. I made most of my progress in the first thirty minutes. It was fun. A small child sitting in front of me looked scared out of her mind by the ordeal. I'm pretty sure that she had never seen that much ice cream at once in her life. Honestly, I'm not sure I have either.
After the initial, 30-minute burst of fervor. I slowed down. Waaaaay down. I came to an important conclusion. The Triple Play Sundae is a testament to man's arrogance and even someone who is almost famous on a small corner of the internet for always being hungry could only get about half way through it. It is truly crazy.
That's all for now folks. I have no idea how they'll do it, but I'm sure next season that I'll be back here in this same space, writing about whatever the hell they come up with next. I'm honestly out of ideas at this point for what could be next. I can tell you one thing, however. I reserve the right to say no if their next idea is to sell the Dbat dog and Triple Play Sundae as a combo, even if they give it to me, nay pay me to eat it. Until next year!