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Snakebytes 7/1: If Xipooo Wrote Headlines Edition

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In lieu of temporary mental sanity, Xipooo makes up his own headlines today.

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Monkey King Performs In Nanjing Confucius Temple Photo by VCG/VCG via Getty Images

Diamondback News

Oh Boy - The first time San Francisco visited Arizona this season, the National League West was up for grabs. It is much closer to grabbed now.

Related Cousin - The San Francisco Giants look for consistency after splitting their last eight games. The Giants have scored 24 runs in their last three games and five or more runs in 10 of their last 14 games.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - Usually on the days Diamondbacks ace Zack Greinke takes to the mound, the bullpen can rest easy for most of the game – not usually needing to stir until the seventh or eighth inning. But Tuesday was different.

Wheeeeeeeee! - Diamondbacks pitching prospect Yoan Lopez left his minor league team on Wednesday night with the intention of leaving the sport entirely, but General Manager Dave Stewart said the club has convinced him to hold off on a decision.

Neener Neener Neeeeeener - The Diamondbacks limped to the midway point of their season on Wednesday afternoon, leaving no doubt of what to make of their first half. They are not a good baseball team.

DOUBLE RAINBOW!!! WHOAAAAAAAA! - The D-backs entered 2016 with eight new sets of uniforms, two big-ticket pitching acquisitions and expectations that this year would be different from the past few.

Le Sob... Le BooHoo - There might be a new approach in the market for acquiring potential free-agent relievers Daniel Hudson and Brad Ziegler.

Other Baseball News

Wooooooshhh!

WERE GOING STREAKING!!!

#PitchersWhoRake

Viva la revolucion