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Friday Mailbag: Because Sometimes You Don't Wanna Actually Write

In which I answer some questions about stuff as solicited via Social Media(TM)

By Charlie Gebow

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In lieu of a column, I've decided to do a sort of mailbag this week because coming up with ideas is hard sometimes so I'm letting you guys do it. Through the medium of twitter dot com, I've taken questions from people like you and answered them, about the Diamondbacks or whatever!

I am a highly respected internet blogger, so I can do this. I was at work the other day, which is in the theater (insert dramatic motion here). Was working on a show that involves a section where kids come on stage to do a limbo contest, which is a fun and cute little bit. They get these plastic leis for their trouble, which our director referred to as "Giveaway Leis", upon hearing this sparked a muse. "Wait!" I said, then I said, with all the weight of the moment in the air "Givealeis." This prompted a co-worker of mine to say, in reference to my writing on this website, "This is why they pay you the big bucks!" So with my portmanteau expertise and an endorsement in hand, let's get on with the mailbag.

He plays Third Base, so that's a point in favor of arm strength. He seems to have decent mobility. Nobody is gonna confuse him with Randall Cunningham, but he could be mobile enough to avoid a sack in a key situation.

However, he is an alum of the University of Washington, which is a fine school in a lovely city, but not one that has produced Elite QBs lately. I saw Jake Locker play in college (when apparently no NFL scouts did) I know what's up.

I'll say this: He has hit more homers than Joe Flacco ever will.

This is what I thought about making my column originally about, so there's something here. I think it simply comes down to the fact that every starting pitcher has worse home splits than road splits by a looooooooooot.

Greinke: 5.04/1.85 (Home/Away ERA)
Corbin: 7.02/3.46
Ray: 5.91/3.50
Bradley: 5.79/3.62
Miller: 6.79/6.59

Even Miller has been slightly less of a septic tank fire on the road! Now as to why that is? Well, we all know (I hope) that Chase Field is hitter friendly, but it seems to have been incredibly so when opposing Diamondbacks pitching is concerned. I imagine there will be some regression back to a normalcy for some of these guys (Greinke/Corbin most likely), but the damage has been done already in these early months.

I could be wrong.

I feel like Hale will be a sacrifice to the "Team under-performed expectations" Gods at the end of the year. I can't imagine Stew or TLR going anywhere. Is that unfair, since the latter caused the mess for the former? Of course it is, but that's how life is sometimes. Eat at Arby's.

While that may fix the Diamondbacks' problems, do you want the awkward scenario where Kendrick makes, say, Putin change his shirt in the middle of a state visit because he's wearing something with the Russian flag on it?

On the other hand, the idea of KK pursuing other avenues is not a bad one. Arizona Theatre Company needs money, badly, and "Producer Ken Kendrick" has a ring to it (though, to be fair, so does a bathtub)

Jess is a guy who you think is cool at age 16 or so. "He likes cool music! He's brooding!" but at age 29, you're like "Man, this guy is kind of a drag and a bit of an a-hole." Like, you're allowed to listen to The Clash and be a good human being too. Dean's kinda white bread, but white bread is better than, well, that.

The only other Gilmore Girls fact I can bring to this Arizona Diamondbacks website mailbag is that the guy who plays the Stars Hollow Trubador, Grant Lee Phillips, does a really good Jesse Ventura impression.

Nothing too different than what I wrote two weeks ago. Teal isn't that special anymore, red hats are a pile of sadness. Check in mid-July for an official update in this space.

Shelby Miller. I mean, the trade for him was never going to match up value-wise without some terrible things happening to people we sent to Atlanta who don't deserve terrible things. However, I think even the more pessimistic would have expected his performance to be way better than this (if not at 2015 level, which seems unsustainable.)

It's most aggravating because it's hard to say that the other major offseason moves *haven't* been good. Greinke has been pitching like he should after a rough start, Jean Segura has learned how to Baseball again, and Chris Hermann has filled into the backup Catcher/emergency Center Fielder slot nicely. Shelby Miller just doesn't wanna be cool, I guess.

Apparently, Micah Owings is in Indie ball right now, pitching for something called the New York Revolution of the Atlantic League. He has a 5.27 ERA, and hasn't even gotten any plate appearances, so pass?

Honestly, I think there might be some overuse here. The Diamondbacks bullpen is basically three dudes who exude competence more or less, then a lot of greener guys who have the usual ups and downs of bullpen inconsistency. As such, in a close game any manager would be more likely to go to the first group, which Hudson is a part of, and maybe that's just catching up to him. I expect some sort of bounce-back, because I am a hopeless optimist who somehow still believes in the general good of humanity.

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