The Irving Berlin Salute To The Diamondbacks

Come on and hear, come on and hear Jake Dinger Hitting Lamb

Come on and hear, come on and hear 'bout the best bat in the land

He can smash a double ball like you never heard before

So natural that you want bench him against lefties for some reason

That's just the bestest bat what am, oh Jakey Lamb

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If you're Dru(ry)

And you don't know where to hit to

Why don't you hit where fielders don’t sit

Puttin' on the hitz

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Blue skies

Smiling at me

Nothing but blue skies

Do I see

Bluebirds

Singing a song

Nothing but bluebirds

All day long

(As sung by a Paul Goldschmidt Home Run in orbit)

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Someday I'm going to murder the third base coach

Someday they're going to find him dead

I'll amputate his wavin’ arm

And step on it with craven harm

And spend the rest of my life in bed

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Jake Lamb:

Anything you can do, I can do better.

I can do anything better than you.

Paul Goldschmidt: No you can't.

Jake: Yes, I can.

Paul: No, you can't.

Jake: Yes, I can.

Paul: No, you can't.

Jake: Yes, I can, Yes, I can!

/They spend the next ten minutes of the song hitting dingers

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There's no business like trade business like no business I say

Everything about it is appealing, everything that twitter will allow

Nowhere could you get that happy feeling when you are sending that necessary extra prospect

There's no people like trade people, they smile when they see you’re calling

Even with a trade that will turn into a nightmare that stunts your team’s developments for years until you’re old, you may be stranded out in the cold

Still you wouldn't change it for a sack of gold, let's go on with the trades!