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Uniform Tracker - June

We need to talk about Red Hats.

Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports

Here is an update on the project I've undertaken this season where I track the Win/Loss record of the Diamondbacks in their myriad uniform combinations. The jersey with the best record will be enshrined on my body as I try to expense SB Nation for one. (Wish me luck!)

"Wow, you're really doing this, wow you have no life."

Yeah, cause updating a spreadsheet file once a day is suuuuuuuuuch hard and arduous work that takes up all my time. Puh-leeze.

Anyway, here's where we stand as of Wednesday's game.

Uni Variant (Locale/Jersey/Hat) Wins Losses
Home/Snake/Black 3 2
Away/Snake/Black 6 4
Home/Teal/Black 5 8
Away/Teal/Black 5 4
Home/Snake/Red 0 3
Home/Red/Black 1 3
Home/Red/Red 0 3
Home/Black/Black 3 3
Away/Red/Black 3 3
Away/Black/Black 1 3
Throwback Thursdays 1 2
Special Event Home 0 1
Special Event Away 1 0

Here are the takeaways I have

- Of the four main standard Home/Away combos, the Teal seems to have lost its early-season magic, Hand is now lagging behind the standard Black Hat/Snakeskin pattern, but both are more or less hovering around .500.

- Between last month and now, The Diamondbacks decided to add in the Black Top/Black Hat combo on the road. This was new as the previous uniform generation only had its version of black top at home on Saturdays.

- When wearing a uniform color not White or Gray, the Diamondbacks are really lagging behind, with only the Red Top/Black Hat combo at .500

- And then there's the elephant in the room. When the evolution was joined, or whatever, they announced excitedly that the red hat with the Snake D (only so many opportunities to write "With the snake D" in this job, I tell ya) would still be in circulation (albeit with the gradiant on the top of it slowly trickling down, like the dark miasma that will eventually take us all.)

We all like the Red hat, look how cool we look in the red hat.

There's a strapping fellow! The red hat can bring happiness and joy. And yet... for the 2016 Diamondbacks, it hasn't. The Diamondbacks are 0-6 total when wearing the Red hat. We're three months into the season, so it's no longer a coincidence. Imagine if they had worn black hats and won all of those games? They'd be two games above .500! That's "Could be in playoff contention in a bad year!" level right there!

It's obvious that it's not the team having bad games on days where the red hat is worn and this is just a coincidence. No, it's obvious that the red hats are the thing holding the team back from contention. Write to Derrick Hall now!