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Diamondbacks 3, Padres 10: Tag team beer cap auto correct captcha.

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Beercap with Edbigghead and Turambar

Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Record: 21-29. Pace: 68-94. Change on 2015: -2

So here we are, all the moves, all the disabled list, and all the suck. Turambar asked me.....no no no, begged me to take the 1st three innings of this bitch. I agreed. What are friends for. I saved his life at least 6 times before, I can do it again. At least this time I'm not all up in some strangers face like, "WHAT!?!?"

not long now

"When's this season over?" "NOT. LONG. NOW."

Anyway, the game....

My first deuce 4 was a tall bottle of Deshutes Down n Dirty IPA. I played some xbox 1 with Jr and then the game was on.

Ray gave up one run in the 1st inning, like any normal pitcher would do. Amirite?

Our offense did ZERO to answer. Then Ray dun did good the 2nd inning. Then we did ZERO.

Ray threw batting practice during the 3rd inning. Beef obviously can't field a throw from the OF and Mike Butcher needs to contemplate his status on the tree of woe.  Oh, forgot to mention that I have had like all the bud lights since the 1st inning after the Decshutes. Kill me.  I can mention one awesome gem at least, once again, an Upton proves they are incapable of catching a routine catch but somehow some of you will still praise The Upton's name as if they are the future or even the saviors of baseball. Uptons suck. I hit ball far can't catch ball but I can blow bubble and hit ball but catch ball no! Grunt grunt.

hit ball yes.

catch ball no.

zero

"Zero runs. Zero win!!!!"

Uptons are 1/2 of baseball. But there are two of them so maybe their powers could combine to equate a normal outfielder. Ball fly far. Glove have hole. Not scared of fastball, oh lord, scared of fielding.

Ok ok ok. Now it's the bottom of the third and once again, in typical dbacks fashion we have two outs and we hit a single. According to our booth, this is gonna be good. Berthume will not shut up. Foul ball, foul ball, Padres, huuurrrrrrr. Pop up and we are donezo. Next set of beers. Oh what's this? More blue cans.

Top of 4th and Ray is Ray. Walked Alaskan Morris and Butcher puts one more slice on his wrist. There are like 284 people at Chase right now, pretty good turnout. Evolution. Ray does Ray things, zero outs, two men on. Kill me.

More blue cans. Ray with an awesome double play! More blue cans. Bottom fourth, wow lead single. World Series here we come! And a walk. Two guys on. 1 out now, still two guys on. Hale n Butcher looking like best buds. BEST FiRED! Now a dood on third and second, two outs. We knocked a pitchers glove off and ZERO RUNS! More blue cans.

run not safe

"Runs not safe here."

Beer #????  Hop Hunter IPA by Sierra Nevada
  • Aaaannnnnd now back to our regularly scheduled program.  Good things I'm already well lubricated with beer, because watching this game sober would be a war crime.
  • Thanks to Edbigghead for covering, his task was an unenviable one to say the least.  Up north in the pines now enjoying the weather, but the drive takes much time away from blogging.
  • It's been said time and time again this youngish season, but WOW does our pitching stink.  All that tinkering and trading in the off-season may just have lead to a WORSE product then 2015.  Wow.  Just wow.
  • By the time I got back on the wheels have really come off:  0-10 Padres with only one out in the 6th with men on 2nd and 3rd.  Thanks Collmenter.  Thanks a lot.
  • Thankfully Delgado comes in to sav.......wait.  What am I writing?!?!  Delgado did a good thing and got us out of the horrible 6th without further embarrassment.  Truly this is a sign of the End Times.

dallas

Pretty sure Korben Dallas would even have a rough go of turning this season around

Beer Scotch ad Infinatum: McCullum 12yr
  • Switching gears since Dad wants a cigar and since this game has reached "zero-#*$@s to give" mode.
  • Well, somehow Delgado comes through again, though all seemingly for naught.
  • Cigar is amazing, unlike the game.  Saving grace of the night is this cigar, this scotch and my goofy father making idle conversation and then suddenly switching subjects as I provide meaningful input.  Nice.
  • Well, pity-points do exist.  2run shot makes it 2-10 in the bottom of the eighth, but....meh
  • More pity points as Lamb hits a solo shot, but the games ends right after that.  3-10 bleh
  • Well, this game is done and so am I.  Time for more Scotch.
Bells and whistles

Though tonight, it really deserves to be "jeers and cat-calls."

chart.0.png
[Click for details, at fangraphs.com]
X-Men: Days of Future Past: Rickie Weeks, +4.8%
X-Men Origins: Wolverine: Robbie Ray, -16.4%
X-Men: The Last Stand: Chris Owings, -11.7%

There was a Gameday Thread. It wasn't very happy. preston.salisbury was the most active, ahead of AzDbackfanInDc and blue bulldog. Also present: Anisha0913, Augdogs, AzRattler, Chelsea75, Clefo, Diamondhacks, Gilbertsportsfan, GuruB, Jim McLennan, JoeCB1991, Makakilo, MichaelMcD831993, MrMrrbi, Oldenschoole, Re Tired, Sprankton, Xipooo, bgilliam83, cheese1213, coldblueAZ, dbacks_in_vegas, ford.williams.10, hotclaws, imstillhungry95, nolanriley13, onedotfive, shoewizard and since_98. Just the one Sedona Red comment, from Chelsea75:

We'll be hoping for better tomorrow. MUCH better, since Mrs. SnakePit is guest recapping this one. Life won't be worth living for anyone if the team plays like they did tonight...