Let's over-react violently to small sample sizes!

Dave Stewart in an idiot!

That starting pitching

His two great off-season supplements, costing the team hundreds of millions of dollars and a slew of top prospects, have stunk up the joint. Zack Greinke's ERA is 15.75 and Shelby Miller's is 9.00, the pair having combined to allow six home-runs in ten innings of work. Patrick Corbin, this afternoon, allowed another three long balls to fly out of the park. It's clear that Dave Stewart's failure to understand fly-ball rates is destined to drag this team down for the foreseeable future.

Yasmany Tomas and the outfield

Did you ever think you would be left pining fondly for the Gold Glove defense and silky skills of Peter O'Brien? Hell, even Brandon Drury looked more comfortable today in left-field than Tomas out there - and Drury had exactly zero experience as an outfielder, in the minor or major-leagues. If only we hadn't given away Inciarte, we would actually still have depth and be able to handle the loss of A.J. Pollock, in a way that doesn't involve throwing infielders at the outfield wall and seeing what sticks there.

Call that a bench?

The five "non-regulars" (all those outside the top eight by plate appearances) of Chris Herrmann, Drury, Rickie Weeks Jr, Phil Gosselin and Socrates Brito have combined to go 4-for-21 with no walks or extra-base hits, and seven strikeouts. I sure hope we manage to go the next 159 games without anyone ahead of them suffering a boo-boo, or needing a day off, because we'd be about as well-off putting a set of traffic cones at the plate, as this bunch of deadbeats.

Dave Stewart is a genius!

Jean frickin' Segura

Where are the idiots who said spring training stats aren't predictive? Segura in spring: .469/.493/.703. Segura in the regular season: .429/.467/.786. He has looked smooth and perfectly competent on defense, and despite the doubters has been fine at the top of the order, on pace for over 50 stolen-bases. Meanwhile, how is Aaron Hill doing for the Brewers? One single and no walks in his seven at-bats. This was one of the biggest robberies of the off-season, and Segura is well on his way to winning Comeback Player of the Year

Hitting the pitcher eighth

Sheer brilliance. The guy batting ninth for the Diamondbacks leads the team in runs,. when last season that spot finished dead-last in the National League. Damn sure that wouldn't have happened with the pitcher there. Of course it helps a bit that the guy in question is Nick Ahmed, who has amply demonstrated exactly why Dansby Swanson was surplus to requirements, by batting .545 with authority and a team-leading 1.492 OPS. WHERE IS YOUR JUSTIN UPTON NOW!?!? Oh, and at the current rate, this team will score over a thousand times in 2016.

Bullpen strong, like bull

With a 2.70 ERA, and holding opponent to a trivial .189 batting average, the bullpen has been excellent, the A-team of Clippard, Hudson and Ziegler having yet to allow a hit. The sole blot on its record was the three-run homer allowed by Silvino Bracho in the opener, and he was immediately dispatched to the corner which is Reno, to think about what he did. It's clear that the front-office has a refreshing, "zero tolerance" policy with regard to failure by its relief pitchers. This had an obvious positive impact, the bullpen posting collective clean sheets both yesterday and this afternoon. Pour encourager les autres, as Voltaire once put it.