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Diamondbacks 5, Rockies 10: The Long Dark Opening Day of the Soul

Zack Greinke's debut was a Lars Von Trier film, and it wasn't enough for the Diamondbacks to come back as they drop the first game of the season.

Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Baseball is patient, baseball is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud....

Actually f*** that. It isn't those things and it does those things. Baseball is dumb, and kind of awesome. Mostly dumb, moreso awesome.This game was very dumb, but it's only 1 of 162. Still have far to go. Climb every mountain. Never give up, never surrender. I'm as mad as hell and I can't take it anymore. You ain't seen nothing yet. Uno, dos, tres, catorce. Some Aaron Sorkin show quote that' has a vague hint of misogyny and/or political naivety . Call now and you'll receive free installation.

And other inspirational nonsense.

However, it was a baseball game, and days with those are better than those without. And opening day is great because you get a lot of football writers with sticks up their bums bemoan people talking about it.


Zack Greinke has nowhere to go but up for the Diamondbacks. Sure, he drove in the first run of the season for the team in the 2nd on a dribbler that scored a run, but the third inning in terms of pitching quality was basically how awake I was this morning after like five hours of sleep and working all weekend. Also add in a hypothetical tequila bender. Let's add in a few stab wounds, a concussion, night sweats, your neighbors blasting Finnish Synth-Pop/Metal fusion, aaaaaaaand broken air conditioning. That's how Greinke pitched. (The broken air conditioning in this metaphor was the two home runs given up to Rockies' rookie Trevor Story in consecutive innings, the first of which was followed by another homer by Carlos Gonzalez)

All in all Greinke gave up 7 runs in 4 IP. If you wanna be optimistic, even the most jerkass pitcher in the pre-humidor Coors Field era wouldn't give up that many runs regularly. Still, inauspicious.

Despite the loss of A.J. Pollock, the Diamondbacks offense did fairly well, all things considered. Jake Lamb hit a two-run homer, the first for the Diamondbacks this season, off of an ostensibly good lefty in Jorge De La Rosa. That cut the deficit to 7-3 in the 4th. Yasmany Tomas drove in two runs on a bases-loaded single in the 5th to make it 7-5. Phil Gosselin struck out with the bases loaded to keep the score at that. Add in an unlucky scorcher to Nolan Arenado by Chris Owings in the 6th caused a double play, and the Diamondbacks seemed to have stalled after coming somewhat back.

After Greinke's departure, Jake Barrett made his major league debut and had a clean inning, then Randall Delgado came in for a spell, and was relieved by Andrew Chafin. Chafin ran into some trouble in the 8th and Silvino Bracho was brought in with two on and promptly gave up a homer to Arenado, who is a jerk and I hate him, to make it 10-5.

The Diamondbacks got two runners on in the 9th, ensuring with a Castillo walk that every starter got on base once, but nothing came of it and they lose the first game of the season. As one does. Or as 25 does. 25 do? Whatever.

Source: FanGraphs
Fresh, Dank, Memes: Tomas, +18.4%
Crying Jordan: Greinke, -42.5%

Some positives from the game:

- Chris Owings didn't look completely lost in Center Field. He had some good reads on some balls that made it to the wall (and lord knows that he had more than his fair share of opportunities on them), as well as a good read on a line drive in the 9th.

- Jean Segura had a few hits, and had some sweet moves in the dugout before the game

- Jake Lamb getting his hittin' on against a lefty, and looking good in the field. He's a lot of people's breakout candidate for 2016, and this game showed why people may think that's the case.

- Tomas had a double and the aforementioned two RBI single, and looked better out in the field than he did last year.

- I personally don't think the new unis look bad. I'll have more on that on my Friday column.

- This was the longest 9 inning game in Chase Field history. So woo.

- The sun is going to die someday.

Tomorrow, Shelby Miller makes his debut, as well as the Teal variant of the new uniform set. It's on Fox Sports Arizona Plus, so go to that if you have it.

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COTN is this, in reference to a suite reacting to the end of the UNC-Villanova game (which was pretty bonkers)

Sounds like the fans just sacrificed Dan Bickley. Oh Vilanova just won the NCAA BB title.