clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Diamondbacks 0, Rockies 9: Beercap of endless pain...

Well. That sucked.

Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

Record: 12-13. Pace: 78-84. Change on 2015: +1.


gunga gulunga

Beer 1:  Free Ride American Pale by Alaskan Brewing Co.
  • Just barely got to Papago in time for this.  First time playing in a golf tourney and it has left me parched. 
  • Funny how Greinke and Miller have been frustrating as $%&# whereas Ray and (hopefully) RDLR have been our best pitchers as of late.  This year has certainly started off in an odd way, going into the last two days of April being only .5 games out of 1st is a good thing in my book.
  • April's not been a kind month to Goldy's BA, but he's still getting on base like a boss.  He'll start hitting for average soon enough, and then as EdBiggHead says ".......death."
  • I gotta stop heaping praise on our pitchers.  Four straight balls to start off the 2nd is no way to run a railroad.  Still gets out of it, but I'll be damned if situations like that don't make me nervous.
  • 2 innings in the book and the usual fireworks these two teams produce are no-where to be seen. Famous last words I'm sure, but we'll just have to see how long that last.  Please don't hate if I end up jinxing....
  • I really just need to shut up when it comes to even remotely jinxing.  Ray likes to live dangerously apparently.  I really though the top of the 3rd was gonna end in disaster, but he somehow pulls it out. Thankfully there's plenty of beer here to calm my nerves


"Let's dance! Ray is still awesome!"

Beer 2:  Stone IPA ......on nitro
  • I'm sure I've written on this fun little twist on a common style, but having an IPA poured with a nitro mix instead of regular CO2 is awesome.  Give a beer that would normally have a very up front hoppy bite a very pronounced creamy texture.
  • Ray's luck finally runs out in the 4th as he gets teed up for a solo shot, thankfully just a solo shot.  0-1 Rockies.......never mind guess he's giving up multiple solo shots.  0-2 Rockies
  • Conversation at the bar has veered from the Dbacks to the drug habbits of Keith Richards and Ozzy.  Good times.  Papago is built upon randomness.
  • Dbacks offense keeps threatening, but Chatwood keeps solving us somehow.  Me thinks that will change soon....Still 0-2 going into the 5th.


"Oh look, we're losing."

Beer 3: Grapefruit Rebel IPA by Sam Adams
  • The normal version of this IPA (Rebel) I love to hate on, but adding the grapefruit helps make me hate it quite a bit less.
  • Well, apparently this just aint Ray's night.  Yet another homer, this time with a runner on, and it 0-4 Rockies.
  • .....and make that 0-5  with ANOTHER home run.   ughhhhhhhh.  Go ahead and blame me.  It's my fault.
  • Barrett is now in trying to salvage this mess of a game. Luckily he at least gets out of the inning but the damage is done.  Time for our bats to un-%&^* themselves.
  • Hopes got up as CO hits an excellent stand-up double...then hopes fade as a line-drive pop-out turns into a double play.  Still 0-5 going in to the 6th.
  • On tops of that a huge group of 20ppl just walked into Papago.  Things have gone from managable to insane in a heartbeat. 
  • Then I turn to look upon the TV and Delgado is in.  He of the huge ERA.  He of the frustrating outings.  He of the why-is-he-still pitching?!?!??!
  • Well, at least he somehow got out of the inning.  By.  The.  Grace.  Of.  God. 0-5 going into the bottom of the 6th.
  • Segura, who is the bright shinning hope of this team, keeps getting on base.  He's (so far) easily one of the sneakier pick-ups this team has ever made.  
  • Sadly no-one else, including Lord Goldy, wants to compliment Segura's efforts.  Thus we struggle on....0-5 going into the 7th.
  • Burgos.  Why'd it have to be Burgos....and he's pitching to Story.  This should end well......
  • By the Hammer of Thor!  Burgos dodged a bullet there!  Good fielding leads to good things.  Still 0-5 though

kill gopher

"License to kill Rockies issued by the United States Government"

Beer 4:  2XSmash Imperial IPA by Southern Tier
  • Alright, time to get serious here.  Time to bring this beercap up to 11.  Hopefully our vaunted Dbacks do the same as well.
  • Apparently they've not gotten the message.  Offense still sputters as my beer still flows.
  • Yup.  Game over man.  Game over.  0-6 Rockies
  • 0-8.  and I'm done.  No more writing for thee.
Bells and whistles, by Jim

It wasn't quite the end, as Tyler Clippard came in and allowed a pair of double, allowing the Rockies to extend their lead just a tad more - making it the biggest margin of defeat this season. However, the "good" news is that we still conceded less runs than the round dozen the Giants did against the Mets today. In a single inning. While retiring one Mets hitter. Who was actually the pitcher. Bunting. Oh, yeah: and the Dodgers lost too. So, as a great man once said, we got that going for us...

[Click for details, at]
Caddyshack: Paul Goldschmidt, +5.3%
Caddyshack 2: Robbie Ray, -22.1%

If you sat through all of this one, you've got a stronger stomach than I. An entire mulligan should be declared, if we could. One of the quietest GDT of the season too - it was if we, somehow, knew in advance... JoeCB1991 came top with only 37 comments: also present were AzRattler, BenSharp, Clefo, Diamondhacks, GuruB, I suppose I'm a Pessimist, Jackwriter, James Attwood, Jim McLennan, Makakilo, MrMrrbi, Re Tired, RobertMerrill, Sprankton, TinySarabia, Xerostomia, aldma, asteroid, coldblueAZ, dbacks_in_vegas, edbigghead, hotclaws, noblevillain, onedotfive, shoewizard and soco. No Sedona Red comments, so our wit was clearly as forgettable as our pitching.

Back at it tomorrow night, with Zack Greinke, hammered on Opening Day, seeking to do more better. If not, then Turambar won't be the only Diamondback fan with a strong interest in getting hammered...