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Even I wouldn't sink that low. Have some real news instead.

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From the D-backs

[dbacks] Zack Greinke to start Opening Day for D-backs - Greinke arrived at the team's Salt River Fields Spring Training complex a few weeks before camp opened, and not long after that, manager Chip Hale said he began to notice a difference. "Once Zack threw his first bullpen and guys sort of were milling around watching him, just the way they went about their bullpen sessions was completely different," Hale said. "Instead of just throwing, throwing, throwing, there was a purpose to every pitch. And if you watch Zack throw, that's what you see -- there's a purpose to every pitch. So that was an immediate change in our guys, I felt like."

[AZ Central] Diamondbacks planning for A.J. Pollock on roster - Hale said Pollock and the club are confident that he’s both healthy and prepared for the season. Pollock has between 20 and 30 at-bats during spring training, Hale said. He also said the club has no questions about his ability to make throws from center field. "The swinging and the throwing is not a concern," Hale said. "It’s just the overdoing of it." Hale said the club will have to make sure Pollock doesn’t do too much throwing or hitting on a particular day and that he gets occasional days off to recover.

[Arizona Sports] D-backs look to keep spring momentum going into season - "The energy has been great all spring," Owings said. "Everybody kind of being on the same mindset. This spring everybody has kind of been doing that; just showing up everyday ready to play. I don’t think that ever changes, but this year it’s just been kind of something a little bit different. We got some great guys on the mound right now, and I think that’s given us some confidence and then just going up to the plate and doing what we’ve been doing since last year and just trying to continue that."

[AZ Central] Diamondbacks option catcher Tuffy Gosewisch to Triple-A Reno - Neither Herrmann (8 for 35, .229) nor Gosewisch (6 for 42, .143) swung the bat well in the Cactus League. Hale referenced Herrmann being a left-handed hitter, and he said Gosewisch was the odd man out when the team decided not to carry three catchers. "We felt like having more flexibility with the offensive guy, the last guy," rather than carrying another catcher, Hale said. "We’re not sure who that’s going to be yet, either, but we’re obviously narrowing that down."

[Las Vegas Review-Journal] Arizona Diamondbacks could be best in NL West - You never want to put too much emphasis on what happened during spring training, but it’s hard not to be impressed with what the Diamondbacks have done in Cactus League play. There were lots of questions heading into March, and many of those were answered in such a satisfactory mode that Arizona now appears to be the best team in the National League West, which makes taking 5-1 odds to win the division attractive.

[AZ Central] Rubby De La Rosa under the radar for Diamondbacks - "I just feel like I need to make myself more proud, you know?" De La Rosa said. "I want to be aggressive to the hitters. I want everyone to know I’m capable of getting a win every time I go out there. That’s my goal right now. All I know is I feel very confident right now. Everything is working – the fastball, the slider, the change-up, the cutter. Everything right now I feel 100 percent confidence in. I have the belief right now where I can throw any one of pitches for a strike in any count."

[Phoenix Business Journal] Diamondbacks games to be streamed online, on mobile devices - On the digital and smartphone side, D-backs games will be available this year via Fox Sports Go mobile app and FoxSportsGo.com. That allows fans to stream games on iPhones and other mobile devices. It’s part of a deal between Major League Baseball, Fox and regional Fox sports networks such as FSAZ to let fans stream games digitally. Viewers must sign into the apps via their cable or satellite providers.

[dbacks.com] D-backs host 10th annual Evening on Diamond - Luis Gonzalez embraced Luis Gonzalez in a touching ceremony on the stage in center field. Josh Collmenter, dressed in western gear, rode a brown stick pony named Becky all night. The D-backs celebrated their 10th Annual Evening on the Diamond benefiting the Arizona Diamondbacks Foundation on Thursday with a western-themed celebration that included auctions, awards, the creation of a new scholarship and a concert by country singer Cole Swindell for more than 800 attendees at Chase Field.

[Elgin Courier-News] Mike Benjamin takes over as manager for new-look Cougars coaching staff - A 13-year major league veteran, Benjamin got his feet wet last year managing the Diamondbacks' rookie league team in Arizona. While Kane County routinely draws thousands of fans every night, that was not the case for Benjamin's team. "Most of the people in the stands were the players that weren't playing that day or someone's parents," he said. "It wasn't a big atmosphere." Benjamin now makes the jump to full-season ball in a different atmosphere with the Cougars. "I'm looking forward to the big crowds, and I know the kids do," Benjamin said.

And, elsewhere...

[MLB Trade Rumors] Dave Stewart Interview, Part II In the second part of their interview, MLBTR move away from directly Diamondback-related topics, and talk to Stewart as he reflects on his career and his path to the big chair in this exclusive conversation.

[New York Times] The Endangered Species of Baseball - As baseball evolves, parts of it disappear. Good luck finding anyone wearing stirrups, or throwing a screwball, or plowing over the catcher at the plate. AstroTurf is nearly gone (hooray!) and it has been almost three decades since the last day game in the World Series (sigh). Some numbers, too, are slowly and subtly sliding into extinction. Most of the endangered digits are not widely celebrated. Taken together, though, they sketch a portrait of a game in transition. The extraordinary is being redefined.

[SI] The Indians are selling a hot dog with Froot Loops on it. Seriously - Enjoying a hot dog at the ballpark is an American tradition, but what the Indians are doing this season is far from traditional. Progressive Field is now home to an outpost of wacky Cleveland hot dog joint Happy Dog. One of the options is a hot dog with bacon, mac and cheese, and Froot Loops. Ok, this MIGHT be an April Fool's joke. I'm not sure...