That’s because the fifth stanza is the bit everyone loves. The next seven verses? A means to an end end. Therefore, from here on out, any amateur version of the carol typically consists of a lot of mumbling, followed by increasingly over-theatrical yelling of “FIIIIIIVE GOOOOO-OLD RINGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSS” and an escalating and accelerating performance of the final four stanzas. It typically collapses into apathetic silence by about the end of the ninth day. Personally, I’m not sure I have ever sung my way through the entire 12 days without getting bored and drifting off to see what’s on TV.
But there is copious excitement here, because we have the first tie of the 2017 SnakePit version. And it’s a doozie, with a four-way lock-up at the top of the “rec” board. In order of submission, we have:
- Five ooohhh-nine ERA (aricat)
- FIVE RUNS OR MORE!!!!!!!!! (DbacKid)
- Five Division Rings (thunderpumpkin87)
- Five Bad Trades (MrMrrbi)
The SnakePit judging panel (look, you know who it is by now) agonized long and hard over this one. Mostly, the decision was based on which stanza would be easiest to write about. A couple were eliminated, simply because they made me too sad: 2016 hasn’t been a great year. I’m going to save a statistical analysis of the Taco Bell give-away for another day, so that leaves you winner as thunderpumpkin87, and his “Five Division Rings” suggestion. [InB4 ‘Hacks reminds us most of those belong to Jerry. Lucky for him there isn’t a “250 million” line, eh?]
All told, the five division titles the Diamondbacks have won in their first 19 years of operation isn’t bad. If you compare it to the most obvious parallel, the Tampa Rays, they have won the AL East twice, and their current drought is longer than Arizona’s, having last been champions in 2010. Counterpoint: the Rays did win the wild-card in both 2011 and 2013, and over the last six seasons, have won thirty more games than the D-backs in total].
It’s certainly an awful lot better than the previous wave of expansion. There, we find the Rockies and Marlins - teams still awaiting any division title, after a combined 48 seasons of futility. Counterpoint: only the Yankees (5), Red Sox (3), Giants (3) and Cardinals (2) join the Marlins in having multiple World Series wins since they joined the league in 1993. Did you know Miami has never lost a play-off series? Two wild-card entrants = two World Series wins. So when they get to the post-season, they certainly make the most of their opportunity.
Going back further, we find the Mariners and Blue Jays in 1977. It took Seattle exactly 19 years to win their first division title. But Toronto did a great deal better. Their first 19 years brought them five crowns, their first coming in their ninth season. That culminated in back-to-back World Series victories in 1992 and 1993, though they haven’t been back since. Finally, the big expansion of 1969 brought us four teams: the Royals (six division wins and a WS in first 19 seasons), the Brewers/Pilots (two division titles), the Padres (one) and the Expos/Nationals (one). So, all told, we D-backs fans probably can’t complain too much about the overall first two decades.
And, moving on!
On the sixth day of Xmas, Ken Kendrick gave to me...
- ________________________________ [Six geese a laying]
- Five division rings
- Four robot umps
- Three Miller wins
- Two Cuban projects
- And a catcher you can have for free!
As usual, throw your suggestions into the comments and/or rec the ideas you feel most deserving of praise. The winner will be announced tomorrow.