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The Diamondbacks should sign Justin Upton

No, I'm definitely not writing this to watch the world burn and cackle manically as it happens.

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Look, I know what you're thinking upon reading this headline: "Wow, has Clefo spent this past week bedridden with the flu and now the madness has taken hold?" You'd be partially right, but it is an interesting thought exercise. Actually, a few of them. The first thought exercise is "Who won't read beyond the headline and post some diatribe in the comments either peeing on Kevin Towers' GM grave or a rant about Upton's playing that veers uncomfortably."

The second is looking at the current free agent class through a clear lens, and how Upton could fit in with this year's team and improve it, and I would argue that a player like Upton would be a clear improvement for the 2016 Diamondbacks.

How you feel about the Diamondbacks outfield going forward is entirely dependent on what you think about Yasmany Tomas going forward. If you think he can get over some early career stepping stones and can develop into more of a power threat going forward, then you're probably content to stand-pat outfield wise for the remainder of the offseason. On the other hand, if you think he's a waste of money and think he'll never get in shape, despite the fact he's in 100x better shape than you are, and don't lie I've met quite a few of you, and just be a slap hitter who never matures defensively, then you probably wake up in a cold sweat when you remember Inciarte was part of the Shelby Miller package.

David Peralta and A.J. Pollock should be solid, at the very least, in the outfield to come, so even if you tend to think the latter in regards to Tomas, you'd concede that those two could counteract enough of Tomas' weaknesses to make everything a net positive. You'd also be right in assuming that the Diamondbacks have thrown quite a bit of money at Tomas, and that the investment should be given every chance to pay off and that signing another Free Agent would break the bank more than it needs to be broken.

However, this offseason has shown that the team is willing to spend capital, both financial and player, to better itself for the next few seasons. Ken Kendrick can rustle up some money fining Dodger fans for wearing clothes to make a signing happen, and assuming no unexpected regression, it's highly likely Upton would be better than Tomas in 2016.

Upton hit .256/.336/.454 last year with 26 homers, keeping in mind that he played half of his games in San Diego. The latter two numbers are higher than Tomas' in hitter friendly Chase Field last season. And while he's no Fielding Bible award winner, Upton would be an improvement in either Right or Left.

With no immediate easy options to improve Second Base left in the Free Agent market, and the market on Upton seeming to be non-existent, it might be good to strike while the iron is hot. Dave Stewart needs to unload his magazine of f***s again and make a big splash that will turn the baseball world on its head again and get me more guest appearances on podcasts, which is what's really important.

Sadly, things do not exist in a vacuum, and the well is sooooooooooo poisoned for Upton to even think about coming back here, (Todd Walsh would be furious) but for a second, it's fun to pretend. It would also be fun for the joy of taking another NL West team's star player and adding his powers to our own, like a Mega Man game.

It would also be a win-win for everyone to get Uptown going again, because nobody thought that was ever a bad idea.  Also it would make for good TV to see him eat whatever new novelty food item the Diamondbacks come up with this year as a time filler for FSAZ during rain delays.

Basically, there's no downside to doing this from a Baseball perspective nor from an opening old wounds perspective. I am very confident this is not a controversial view, as I only needed about 700 words to express it. I'm sure the comments here will reflect that .

I've been coughing nonstop since Monday.