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Diamondbacks 3, Padres 10: A portal to Hell(ickson)

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Someone should lock this game tape in a vault, like the death footage from Grizzly Man

Norm Hall/Getty Images

First off, for the past few days for me and others, Gameday has looked like this:

It looks kind of like Purgatory, which would be appropriate. However, to me it kind of looks like a less detailed version of the cover art for U2's No Line on the Horizon.

Speaking of, I think that's a pretty underrated album, we can talk for a little bit cause Jeremy Hellickson is pitching and he's kind of slow so: I think that album is underrated, sure they kind of screwed the pooch with the first single... oh dear, Hellickson just gave up a leadoff homer, but hey he can rebound. Anyway, there is a lot of cool experimentalish stuff on it, probably given their comfort working with Eno/Lanois... Oh he just walked a guy.... but the opening title track is really good, and... he walked another guy...  but there's also Breathe which is a good rocking tune, oh another walk and Jake Lamb just booted a possible double play ball, anyway, yes the first single was terrible, but you have to take the whole thing as a... oh there's a Sac fly it's 2-0 now. And Moment of Surrender is a bit long, but has a nice chorus and bass- Infield hit scores a run, okay, but the real thing about the album is...

...

FREAKING HELL JEREMY, HOW DO YOU NOT GET AN EASY THROW TO SECOND ON A STEAL ATTEMPT TO GET AN EASY TOOTBLAN AND OH LOOK A RUN SCORED OFF OF THAT AND YOU ALLOWED ANOTHER ONE YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT ON YOUR DAMN BOOTS.

Yep, Jeremy Hellickson lasted only an inning, but gave up 5 runs in the process, which is... impressive? He was lifted for Allen Webster, who did fine, but the Hellickson stench was on this game already, if only because it took forever to get through it even after he was lifted.

Paul Goldschmidt had an RBI double in the first. That was his 100th RBI on the season. He is only the second Diamondback ever to have 100 walks and 100 RBIs in a season and without looking it up, I'm guessing the other is Luis Gonzalez in 2001, because that is always the standard bearer for Diamondbacks offensive seasons.

The Padres have a player with the last name Janikowski, and I am disappointed he is not everyone's favorite boozing, Polish NFL placekicker.

Speaking of moments of surrender, the fifth was pretty bad, as the combination  of Matt Stites and Andrew Chafin allowed five more runs to make it 10-1.

Each starting Catcher and the home plate umpire suffered some sort of foul ball mishap, with Derek Norris having to leave for the Padres in the 5th after taking one off the fingers of his throwing hand.

By the 6th everyone had changed out the entirety of their lineups because it's fun.

Brandon Drury hit a ball right into the arm of James Shields. Other than Goldy's double, that was the most offense anyone on the team could muster against him all night.

On ESPN, there was a Monday Night Football game called by Chris Berman, his performance in the booth is a good analogue for the Diamondbacks performance tonight.

My next door neighbors sound like their moving something heavy and it's banging around. This is more noise than the Diamondbacks offense or fans (all 15 of them) made tonight.

There was a moment in the Bottom of the 7th or so of an older couple at the game listening to the game on headset radios on camera for a bit. They looked very down , but not overtly sad, like they had just watched a Lars von Trier film that they didn't quite get. After a bit they realized they were on TV and perked right up. That was probably the happiest any Diamondbacks fan was in the ballpark tonight.'

For the Padres, Cody Decker made his major league debut after many years in the minors. Snakepit Deep Cut Enthusiasts may remember him for having the Dr. Who Theme as his Walk-up music when he was with the Tucson Padres.

Phil Gosslein singled home Jake Lamb in the 9th to make it 10-2 in the 9th. Then Brandon Drury doubled him home to make it 10-3, Drury's first Major League RBI, and it was hit directly to a guy he was traded for, so cool. Unfortunately, the Diamondbacks were not able to get that late Touchdown to tie the game, so they lost.

Source: FanGraphs

Of Merit: David Peralta +3.8%
God Emperor of Suck and Terrible and Nickelback: Hellickson -36..4%



Roll Call Info
Total comments 266
Total commenters 17
Commenter list AzRattler, Clefo, Dbackguy, Diamondhacks, GuruB, I suppose I'm a Pessimist, Jim McLennan, JoeCB1991, Makakilo, MrMrrbi, NumberOneIanKennedyFan31, SongBird, gamepass, hotclaws, onedotfive, piratedan7, shoewizard
Story URLs

COTN to Jim:

Hellickson is certainly a #2 starter

On this showing, he’s entirely full of #2.

Something opinions expressed something something

It might get better tomorrow. If not, know that the universe will end one day. Have a good night!