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The Wild Card: Expansion Candidates

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MLB expansion is on the table again, apparently, we look at some possible cities.

John Gress/Getty Images

So, Rob Manfred has floated around the idea of expansion to Major League Baseball. As you should know, Major League Baseball hasn't expanded since 1998, leading to the advent of this website you are reading right now. There are many debates to be had about whether expansion is a good idea at this point or not, but assuming it makes sense financially, there will be many places that want a piece of the MLB pie, and would be willing to bend over backwards for corporate welfare, fund a new stadium to house this team. Here are some of the places that have been bandied about in expansion rumors, and the pros and cons of each.

This is a very sober, serious, and stonefaced analysis of these locations.

(All images come from Wikipedia)

Portland, Oregon

Pros: City already has professional sports franchises that are supported, could be a natural geographical rival to the Mariners.

Cons: City lost Triple-A team in favor of Soccer team, residents would insist on having Non-GMO basepaths, owners might count homeless people in attendance if it ever dips

Las Vegas, Nevada

Pros: Could be first pro sports franchise there, would possibly solve blackout issues in that market for people that want to watch other teams, lots of money.

Cons: Gambling is bad, and at no point should a pro sports franchise support gambling and anything like it as it ruins the integrity of the game. This message brought to you by DraftKings.

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Pros: Large, cosmopolitan city. Has supported Major League Baseball before.

Cons: Jeff Loria firebombed the market into oblivion. Would "need' new stadium as Olympic Stadium is more of a venue for an episode of Scooby Doo now.

Loring, Montana

Pros: Would get another team in the Mountain Time Zone, definitely an untapped market (until Fracking comes), Bears could eat bandwagon Dodger fans.

Cons: No stadium to speak of, unincorporated, not great weather, bears might not be that discriminating.

Island of Dr. Patricide, Pacific Atoll

Pros: Would expand into another international market, stadium would be privately funded, good weather

Cons: Not found on a map, The government policy of "Destroy the Universe" may conflict with MLB's main goal, frequent attacks from Superheroes, evil robots, travel is bad

Illium, Tasale System, Crescent Nebula

Pros: Very large market, a very diverse population, Asari space is more or less safe from invasion

Cons: Very long travel time, gang activity is rampant, especially by telepathic types, ejection-worthy offenses by players and managers could be punishable by death from the Justicars.

These are a few of the possible places. Do you agree with these assessments? I don't actually care if you do, I'm just humoring you. Maybe you can suggest other places MLB could expand to?