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2015 Soco Article All-Stars

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The votes are in and it's time to reveal the 2015 Soco Article All-Stars.

Noah K. Murray-USA TODAY Sports

When you write every week about the same subject, it's just inevitable that some of the ideas aren't going to work. I thought the idea of installing a former Diamondbacks manager as GM was amusing in the wake of the Marlins insanity, but y'all ran from that like Thelma and Louise.

I was going to write a Very Serious Analysis about half-season and full-season All-Stars in the Diamondbacks history, but my fans clamored for an exhibition to honor my greatest stories of the season. After the Story Debacle in 2002, however, I've agreed only in the scenario that the it would be determine the subject of the Writer's World Series.

So after opening up the polls, I'm proud to announce the 2015 Soco Article All-Stars (now with bonus behind the scenes content!):

Let's Find a Trade Partner for Mark Trumbo

This article almost literally went up a week before Trumbo was trade. I called it, y'all. Who doesn't know baseball, now? Who only writes hateful, joke articles, now? Sure, I was wrong about where he ended up, but you can't get it right 100% of the time. Unfortunately I was predicting a team that needed DH would pursue him, instead of the stupid Mariners who needed a first baseman.

This article is an example of the tried and true method of "write about a player no one likes + trades," because y'all love arguing about both of those things.

MLB Needs a 348 Game Schedule

This is an example of taking a basic premise in the news (MLB is considering shortening the season) and then taking it past the edge of sanity. I don't really have a point or a position, I don't care if MLB keeps a 162 game schedule, goes to to 154, or installs the DH in the National League. It just amused me to consider the idea that there would be a year long season.

Diamondbacks 1, Nationals 11: That Escalated Quickly

Normally my recaps are pretty bad. I say that not because I don't care, but because I'm not very good at them. I read other recaps that full of interesting stats and facts, or great, funny references, and mine feel like a Thomas Kinkade at the Louvre.

Like Jordan Pacheco, though, I occasionally run into one. For this particular game the Nationals jumped out ahead early and dominated the game. The only bright spot was a Pacheco home run, and so I thought I would write a folk hero story for him, which then morphed into something else.

MLB All-Star Game and the Democratic Process

Another one where I take an idea and then take it to logical extremes, this was inspired by people complaining nearly constantly onlilne about the Royals fans dominating the MLB All-Star voting. I aspired to write a couple thousand words mixing up political theory and concepts on justice that was meant to be total nonsense and inaccessible.

Y'all seemed to like it anyway.

Paul Goldschmidt Is the Weirdest Athlete Ever

I had a bone to pick with this one. The article that inspired it could have been a good article (and actually most of the content wasn't bad) but it suffered from a stupid title (Carli Lloyd is the weirdest athlete ever) and the premise that she has no comps as a clutch player. It's the epitome of overselling your article and trying to draw people in with an extreme title that has no real meaning.

I'm not going to pretend I'm a good writer, but I hate a lot of the clickbait/Gawker Media nonsense that has become the norm for online writing. Here's a funny photo with a stupid caption! Here's a trumped up controversy that we're going to rush out before all the information is available! Here's hyperbole and Capitalized Phrases and David Foster Wallace poses and run on sentences.

Please, walk away from your keyboard, you're embarrassing yourself.

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Thanks to all that voted for this year's selections! Because it always happens, I'm sure at least some, if not all, will be eclipsed by something else I write in the second half, but hey, try not to take it so seriously. It's not like it counts or anything.