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Pit Your Wits 24: 24

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Technically the Diamondbacks are 'enhanced interrogation techniques.'

Doug Pensinger

Last week I asked to see your campaign pitch to become MLB commissioner. The winners:

Gold-star_medium

Three words

Ban the wave.

Silver-star_medium

by Xipooo on Aug 27, 2014 | 4:39 PM

Bronze-star_medium

I promise a D-Bat Dog in every seat!

A healthy UCL in every elbow!

Under my health plan, the Pittsburgh Pirate pitching staff will receive free pitch control, for the greater good of the league, but especially Arizonans.

Wins will be redistributed from the haves (Dodgers, Nationals, Orioles, Angels) to the have nots (Diamondbackssorry, the rest of the losers will not be politically connected enough to receive this benefit from my administration)

Free Diamondback tickets for those most in need (see those who vote for me), and this time not just because actual paying ticket holders gave them away because they couldn’t endure the torture of sitting through another game.

And finally, I will get tough on crime! If you vote for me, any MLB credentialed media person who abuses their first amendment right by libeling the Diamondbacks as a dirty team without exercising even a modicum of intellectual curiosity or critical thought, will be sentenced to 1 day in the box against the Pittsburgh Pirates pitching staff without their free pitch control. A week in the box for second time offenders.

God bless the Diamondbacks!
God bless Major League Baseball!

Chicks dig the velo!

The Second Half Standings look like this now:

Name Gold Silver Bronze Total Points
Jim McLennan 2 0 0 6
Diamondhacks 1 1 0 5
SenSurround 1 1 0 5
Fangdango 0 2 1 5
TimTucson 1 0 1 4
Xipooo 0 2 0 4
MrMrrbi 1 0 0 3
James Attwood 0 1 0 2
AJV19 0 0 1 1
DbacksSkins 0 0 1 1
Makakilo 0 0 1 1
piratedan7 0 0 1 1
Clefo 0 0 1 1
JoeCB1991 0 0 1 1
prwhitaker1 0 0 1 1

This week's challenge:

The Diamondbacks offense has been kidnapped by ninjas! Are you a bad enough dude to save it? You have 24 hours, tell us how you'd get it back. America!

As usual, rec the ones you like, otherwise the terrorists win.