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The Wild Card: Thanks KT!

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Some not-at-all sarcastic praise about this season that will certainly not inspire a comments section that will give me a migraine or cause a bunch of margins to be called.

Rick Scuteri-USA TODAY Sports

Friends, Diamondbacks, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to praise Kevin Towers, not to bury him. Sure the Diamondbacks may be in disarray due to poor roster construction and injuries and probably bad coaching falling down around their heads, but that's the pessimist's view. There are certain things that one can point to that are a success this year that are directly correlated to KT's performance.

Getting in and out of the ballpark is easier

With a winning team, people want to see it in person. That means there would, theoretically, be more people in attendance, and while you might say that's good for "Revenue" and "A Home Atmosphere" and whatever witchcraft you happen to believe in, it does make getting into and out of the stadium more difficult.

Sure, you saw an exciting game in front of a sold-out crowd with a good team, but when you're idling for 30 minutes on 7th Street or Avenue (because having two roadways called "7th" close to each other that are North/South is great city planning), listening to Ron Wolfley talk in length on the radio about a particularly harrowing bowel movement (in this world, your car cannot get any other radio stations, nor does it have a CD player, Aux connector, or any way to be turned off) you wish there were fewer people there so that you could just get home and get on with your life.

So thank you Kevin Towers, for keeping attendance light and not having to hear "AND I TOOK THAT OLD EGG SALAD SANDWICH THAT HAD BEEN SITTING OUT IN THE PARKING LOT OF YOUR LOCAL FRY'S STORE AND I TAGGED IT AND BAGGED IT!"

You can sit and watch a game in solitude

Before the traffic jams, you can be at Chase Field and just have a whole 300 section to yourself. If you're a weird introvert (which you probably are as a reader of this site), this is glorious. Just you sitting there, with your thoughts, no loudmouth who keeps insisting that Jeff Garcia, former San Francisco 49ers Quarterback, once played for the Diamondbacks, no overly-bold visiting fans telling you how they got Los Angeles Pride, yo, despite never once in their lives being anywhere west of Peoria.

That would make me so happy. Thanks KT!

Low expectations are good for the heart

Think about it, if this team was any good and within a playoff race, you'd live and die a thousand times each close contest. With this year's iteration of the Diamondbacks, you can spend August and September just relaxing. Oh, someone made another throwing error? Whatever, it's all good. A grand slam given up by a reliever in a tie game? Just cruisin' along, man.

Those events could have caused you so much stress otherwise, and stress is not good for the body or the mind. So thank you Kevin Towers, for making my life more peaceful.

Those are just three things, but there are probably plenty more things to be thankful to KT for this season. I'm sure they will be discussed openly and without friction in the comments. I also bet there won't be any logical fallacies or taking an obvious fact that does not agree with your position and bending it so much and so obviously that it does.

NOTICE!

I'm going to do another, final, mailbag column in this space next week. If you would like your question answered, leave it in a comment here or tweet at me (@CLEFOAINTACRIME) if you so choose.