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Pit Your Wits 23: Mr. Goldschmidt Goes to Washington

If I am elected I promise I am not a lizard person, unlike my opponent.


Last week I challenged you to compare the Diamondbacks' season to a horror film. The winners:


by Jim McLennan on Aug 20, 2014 | 7:29 PM


Arizona Chainsaw Massacre

Prologue: The guy with the biggest, most gnarly chainsaw and wielding skills available decides to star in some other movie instead.

First Act: The best chainsaw psychos left break their chains or run out of gas and are out for the rest of the movie.

Longueur: Several mediocre antagonists futilely attempt to do damage with the dull, impotent chainsaws that are left. The most exciting moment comes when a victim suffers a wound severe enough to actually require stitches!

Final Act: A few young chainsaw psychos with potential to do real damage arrive, but while their chainsaws are sharp and deadly, they lack the necessary control and skill to do much more than cause self inflicted wounds.

Postscript: New chainsaw management and production crew is enlisted to make a Part II that hopefully does better at the box office.

Chicks dig the velo!

The product on the field

IS the plot of a horror film.


Towerstein's Monster

Evil Dr. Towerstein assembles a monster from the pieces of dead teams. Unfortunately the rather inept Doctor did not choose fresh enough parts. When the creature is brought to life, rather than being the unstoppable force he envisioned, the so-called monster merely shambled around the league, dropping parts as they rotted off and generally terrifying the fanbase.

The Second Half standings look like this now:

Name Gold Silver Bronze Total Points
Diamondhacks 1 1 0 5
SenSurround 1 1 0 5
TucsonTim 1 0 1 4
Fangdango 0 2 0 4
MrMrrbi 1 0 0 3
Jim McLennan 1 0 0 3
James Attwood 0 1 0 2
Xipooo 0 1 0 2
AJV19 0 0 1 1
DbacksSkins 0 0 1 1
Makakilo 0 0 1 1
piratedan7 0 0 1 1
Clefo 0 0 1 1
JoeCB1991 0 0 1 1
prwhitaker1 0 0 1 1

This week's challenge:

In honor of yesterday's Arizona primaries and the recent election of a new baseball commissioner, describe your platform if you were running for MLB commish.

Remember be pithy and have a great head of hair! Time to hit the campaign trail, kiss those babies, shake those hands, and rec those posts.