Pit Your Wits 22: Do You Want to Play a Game?

I escaped from my Cyberian captors, just in time to declare the winners of last week's 'design a robot to help the D-backs' challenge:

if(timeToAnalyzeRoster) {
while(stillWorkingThroughRoster) {
Player playerToAnalyze = getNextPlayerFromRoster();
if(!sucks(playerToAnalyze)) {
playersToKeep.add(playerToAnalyze);
}
else if(isRenoFiller(playerToAnalyze)) {
whine();
sendPlayerToReno(playerToAnalyze);
}
else if(isOldAndBroken(playerToAnalyze)) {
whine();
blameKT();
dfa(playerToAnalyze);
}
else if(isBeingUsedImproperly(playerToAnalyze)) {
whine();
blameGibby();
blameKT();
playersToKeep.add(playerToAnalyze);
}
else {
rationalize(playerToAnalyze);
playersToKeep.add(playerToAnalyze);
}
}

while(playersToKeep.size() < 25) {
if(youngTalentAvailable()) {
playersToKeep.add(callUpYoungTalent());
}
else {
playersToKeep.add(signAgingFormerPadre());
}
}
}

"How much money can we offer Brandon Lyon without making him suspicious?"

by SenSurround on Aug 13, 2014 | 5:59 PM reply unrec (10) actions

1 0 0 1 0 0 1

SOS
1 0 0 1 0 0 1
In distress
1 0 0 1 0 0

Memory banks unloading
Bytes break into bits
Unit D’back’s in trouble and it’s scared out of its wits

Guidance systems break down
A struggle to exist
To resist
A pulse of dying power in a clenching (broken) Goldy fist

Chicks dig the velo!

by Fangdango on Aug 13, 2014 | 2:56 PM reply unrec (6) actions

ExtendoGlove-O-Matic X3000

Given to all three outfielders so they can catch all of the balls that are blasted into the seats by opposing hitters.

Also available in Xtra Long versions for the statuesque outfielders

Cards/Bears/Suns/D-Backs/Yotes/Sun Devils

Carson Palmer, he goes long

by JoeCB1991 on Aug 13, 2014 | 2:30 PM reply unrec (5) actions

The machine we have been waiting for...

Now release the entire bullpen.

Mr. 98%

-Jacen Reid

by prwhitaker1 on Aug 13, 2014 | 6:04 PM reply unrec (5) actions

Second Half standings now look like this:

In honor of our Fearless Leader's wife's passion project, Phoenix FearCon, this week's challenge:

If the 2014 Diamondbacks season was a horror film, what would be the plot?

As usual, rec the ones you like, otherwise Gibby Krueger will enter your dreams and make you intentionally throw at Andrew McCutchen.