Record: 41-56. Pace: 68-94. Change over 2013: -9.
Since our normal beercapper is out of town, I've taken over for Turambar with a martinicap. I could do a skunkbeercap, but I'd fear his retribution.
When I was driving home I almost ran over a rabbit standing in the middle of the road, but I managed to miss it. It doesn't make up for all the groundhogs I've run over near my office, but today I did okay. This is a metaphor for this Diamondbacks season.
Arizona did the bulk of its offensive work in the middle of the game in back-to-back frames, scoring all five runs in the 5th and 6th innings. It was enough to negate 2 Anthony Rizzo home runs.
How were these runs scored? Good question. /fires up ESPN play by play /cracks knuckles /sips martini
Em Prado single to lead things off (no, I'm not going to count Em Trumbo in this scenario, YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD). Gee Parra thought that that looked like fun, so he singled as well. Dee Gregorius must have been mainlining those 90s Gatorade commercials with Michael Jordan and Mia Hamm, because you know what? He singled, too. His single, however, was like 1000x better, though, because it scored a run. En Evans then singled in another run, and would you look at that: 2 runs.
The Diamondbacks started the 6th down 4-2, but it was nothing Pee Goldschmidt and Company couldn't handle. Goldschmidt homered to lead things off (no, I don't know who Dee Peralta is, YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING) and bring the deficit to 1 run. Em Montero somehow got on with a bunt single (seriously, how the hell did that happen?), and he was joined by Em Trumbo, who did a regular single. Em Prado then hit an infield single, because apparently the D-backs were attempting to collect all the singles. Gee Parra hit a sac fly to break up the chain of singles, and then Dee Gregorius single to center to score Trumbo and give the D-backs the lead.
So how did Tee Cahill do in his first game back with the Diamondbacks? Okay...ish? 5 innings pitched isn't great, but he wasn't a total tire fire. 3 runs during the same time frame isn't so hot, but it was manageable.Cahill still looks like a big baby.
Manager Kay Gibson was thrown out in the 8th along with Em Prado. They were arguing about something stupid, I'm sure. Or maybe they had something to get to, some kind soiree or something important or something. Hey what's Gibson's favorite Paradise Bakery rip-off? Kneeders. B...because he has bum knees.
A one run lead proved to be enough for Arizona, though Ay Reed predictably had to make things interesting. It wasn't completely his fault, but it also kind of was, you know? He walked Jay Ruggiano, who stole second, and then advanced to third on a wild throw by Em Montero. Reed somehow came over his natural desire to give up home runs to get the next two outs and the win. Chicken dinner!
With the win, the D-backs moved up to 4th in the NL West. How bad is the bottom part of the division (how bad??? the audience hooted, knowing its role)? If the Padres lose tonight, then the D-backs will be tied for 3rd. Arizona is on pace for a season of 68 and Good Night Irene, and they might end the night in 3rd place in the division. Life is weird.
OH CRAP I forgot the Comment of the Day. Well, here it is:
HAPPY KRISTEN INSTEAD
Carson Palmer, he goes long
Tomorrow the D-backs moves on towards its inevitable death, as we all do. They play the Cubs again, because that's how baseball works. You play a game, then you play another, and sometimes you play more and you keep going because you already promised yourself you'd do it and the tickets have already been printed and oh gd everyone is relying on you to keep it going all the ballpark people need it to keep going so they can make money to put food in the mouths of their little ballpark children you can't ever stop. You can't ever stop.
Anyways, first pitch is supposedly at 5:10pm. Tune in, why don't you?