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Diamondbacks 0, Giants 5

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Well, that wasn't quite what we hoped.

Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports

Record: 39-55. Pace: 67-95. Change on 2013/2010: -11/+3.

Bolsinger

So he should be dismissed after one bad start?!?! Three quality starts in a row, but one bad game and he should be sent down?!?! I really thought you guys knew baseball, but I’ve changed my mind. Have a fun season! Cheers!!!

Yeah... About that... Bolsinger lasted five innings tonight, gave up eight hits - and wasn't getting BABIP'd to death - two walks and five runs, all earned, and his ERA increased to 5.50. I'm beginning to feel almost wistfully nostalgic for Trevor Cahill. Randall Delgado worked two ugly innings but somehow managed to post a pair of zeroes, and Eury de la Rosa worked a scoreless eighth. However, if was more than enough on a night when the unthinkable happened.

Breaking: Tim Lincecum no-hits Paul Goldschmidt.

Yep. The apocalypse is surely upon us. For, though Goldie did get a walk, and also a ninth-inning single to extend his on-base streak to 31 games (tying his career-best and equal fourth in franchise history), he didn't homer. Then again, neither did anyone else, with the D-backs getting only five hits. Martin Prado also had a hit and a walk, and Mark Trumbo went 1-for-4 in his return from the DL.

Turambar will be along with the beer-cap shortly. Until then, here are your bells and whistles:

20140711_diamondbacks_giants_0_2014071205244_live_medium
[Click to enlarge, at fangraphs.com]
Sharknado: Martin Prado, +1.4%
Attack of the Killer Lampreys: Mike Bolsinger, -29.2%

Yep. Your game high WP was +1.4%. Says a lot. A sarcasm and SyFy original movie-filled thread tonight, led by JoeCB1991, some way ahead of freeland1787 and soco. Also taking part: Angry_Saguaro, Arizona Eyebrows, AzRattler, BrokeNBattleX, Clefo, DeadmanG, Diamondhacks, GODSCHMIDT, GuruB, James Attwood, Jim McLennan, Makakilo, MrMrrbi, SongBird, Umbrella24, asteroid, blank_38, hotclaws, preston.salisbury and xmet. Comment of the night to Clefo, suggesting Bronson's elbow issues might have been caused by him rocking out alongside Aaron Hill