Pit Your Wits Week 8: 5 C's That Let You Know You're From Arizona

Last week I challenged you to imagine what you would do next if you woke up to find Baxter T. Mascot in your bed (like those heinous Super Fan commercials). The winners as voted by the community:

A trip to Wal-Mart later, and I’m making a long drive into the desert, late at night, with several trash bags and a shovel.

I burn out the motors of three vacuum cleaners trying to clean up all the fluff in every corner of the room. My wife tells me that it’s all gone, but I can always see another piece just out of the corner of my eye. Some may think it’s guilt, but I know better. It’s a message. There’s still more mess to be cleaned up.

I’ve started doing Google Map searches late at night, figuring out the best route to Coors Field. Dinger is next.

"To manufactured triumph!"

by kishi on Apr 30, 2014 | 1:47 PM reply unrec (9) actions

"Well, are ya or aren’t ya?" I said, impatiently. The old man examined the item again, his brow furrowed. "It’s a bit big, isn’t it?" "Yeah, a little," I replied, "but it’s exactly what you’d asked for." He ran his hand across it, as if it were alive. "Well, I suppose it is. Can I make the check out to cash?" His mustache quivered.

"Sure, that’ll work," I said, before he ripped the slip of paper out of his checkbook. "It’s the perfect decoration for the gun shop."

The gentleman thanked me, shaking my hand, before trying to pick up the item himself, struggling. "Here, let me help you get that to the truck," I offered, as I lifted, straining, and carried his new purchase out the door.

He lowered the tailgate and we carefully slid it into the bed. As he climbed into the cab, he turned to me, briefly, a quizzical look on his face.

"One last thing," he ventured. "Never seen a stuffed bobcat in a jersey before. Mind if I ask where you got it?"

I could only smile.

Goldschmidt happens.

by DbacksSkins on Apr 30, 2014 | 4:36 PM reply unrec (9) actions

I try to recall the circumstances that led to this moment. I mean, home life wasn’t great, but I was determined to stick it out. I can only recall a limo ride with an old fraternity brother and then drink after drink after drink. And now this. Christ, my life is a mess. I spend the next ten years unable to look my wife in the eye, she starts to think I drink too much. She starts bringing around Brad.. What the hell is he even doing here? My children start to resent me and I just spend all my time staring out of windows… And all that time, Baxter just keeps on wearing "Beat LA" underwear, like he’s going out of his way to taunt me. That jackwagon. I’ll show him. Where’s my machete?

weltanschauung

by Clefo on Apr 30, 2014 | 1:09 PM reply unrec (7) actions

"How much money can we offer Brandon Lyon without making him suspicious?"

by SenSurround on Apr 30, 2014 | 2:21 PM reply unrec (5) actions

I'd invite the Dbacks Luchador and we'd play Mario Kart 8 on my brand new Wii U® From the Nintendo Co™

blank_38 was compensated for this post

Imagination is for turbo-nerds who can't handle how kick-butt reality is.

by blank_38 on Apr 30, 2014 | 4:34 PM reply unrec (5) actions

After 7 weeks our standings look like this:

At some point kishi has to be beaten, right? This is turning into a duck race!

Being that the Diamondbacks are an expansion team, there's little mystery or romance to how the team was named. There was no insult turned pride (see: Purdue), or article of clothing (see: White Sox). No, instead the Diamondbacks was likely picked after intense focus group sessions. Why they chose to the team after a turtle, no one will ever quite know, but that's what we've had now for over 15 years.

The D-backs are playing the Brewers this week, which is a team name that references Milwaukee's Germanic and brew legacy.

That brings me to this week's prompt:

Rebrand the Diamondbacks after an industry for which Arizona would be known.

Remember to rec your favorites, and I'll "C" you on the other side!