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(NOTE: I feel I should mention that everything here is made up, like made up a lot, like none of it is true, that way I don't get angry comments or e-mails about this in the future. I mean, anybody who knows my writing style should catch this at the start, but better to be safe than sorry I guess.)
We all remember the 1998 Diamondbacks for what they represented, basically a major league team in Arizona. We remember guys like Matt Williams, Jay Bell, and so on. However, there were a lot of players on that team that only played for the Diamondbacks in the 1998 season. These were a combination of expansion-draft picks, AAAA players, and random Free Agent signings that brought themselves together to create the weird morass of the 1998 Diamondbacks. Here are some of their stories.
A light hitting utility outfielder who only spent three seasons in the majors with the Twins and Diamondbacks. He fell out of Baseball pretty quickly after the 1998 season (He had a brief stint in AAA Nashville in 2000 before disappearing completely from Baseball.)
But did you know, after his career, Brede opened up a Barbeque restaurant in Rockford, IL called "Brede Mesquide" (It was supposed to rhyme, but what can you do?) The place was doing okay for awhile, but it took the introduction of a new sauce based on what Brede called "A Bahamut Pepper", which had a good and spicy kick, and a secret ingredient later discovered by the FDA that would cause people to go into a trance and eat more of it as they consumed more.
"We are revolutionizing the human cuisine." Brede said, sort of blankly and with unexpected reverb not normally found in vocal patterns. "We will bring this to the masses when Gugliotta the Eternal returns to this plane and brings on the coming of a new age. I only hope you are around to see it!"
The restaurant also has RC Cola products.
Blair was a journeyman starter in his 11-year career. So much so that he didn't even finish out the season with the Diamondbacks, as he was traded to the Mets mid-season. Where is he now?
It is not known to many, but Blair was one of the founding pioneers of "Weird Twitter". He was once known as @EarHolesForIdiAmin on twitter, and was dispensing random odd observations about the world, and some things that could be described as wry political and social commentary if you just read between the lines, man.
Unfortunately, he had to delete his Twitter account after he inadvertently tweeted random things at a particularly morally deplorable writer for Slate. That lead to a VERY tedious 18,000 word thinkpiece on "Weird Twitter" that made Blair so disgusted that he moved to a small cabin in Montana where he has lived ever since.
DEVON WHITE
White was a three-time All Star and multiple-time Gold Glove winner in Center Field. He was also the first All Star in Diamondbacks history, and he will not let you forget about it.
"Hello, I'm Devon White. I was the first All-Star in Diamondbacks history!" He'll say to an unsuspecting cashier at Carl's Jr before ordering a Famous Star and a Milkshake. "Boy, I, Devon White first All-Star in Diamondbacks history, sure do love this tasty burger!"
"Your honor. I, Devon White first All-Star in Diamondbacks history, saw Mr. Johnson running away from the bank with a big sack. I was over there because I, Devon White first All-Star in Diamondbacks history, wanted to get some cash."
And so on. He's genuinely affable and a nice person, but just be prepared to have conversations with him go on average two minutes longer due to the lengthy personal pronoun.
(He also was on three World Series winning teams, so by NFL fan/writer logic he was better than Ted Williams)
KARIM GARCIA
Best known for being traded straight up for Luis Gonzalez the following offseason, as well as a key player in the famous Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS brawl, Garcia has been...
...Okay, nothing I ever write in my life will be as funny as that.