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Pit Your Wits Week 9: Diamondbacks Explained

Sure, you could actually keep up with the news. OR, you could read our lazy FAQ!

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Last week I challenged you to rebrand the Diamondbacks based on an Arizona industry. A lot of jokes about old people, which I guess is to be suspected. Here are the winners:


The Arizona Elsewhereians

Our uniform would be a patchwork effort consisting of strips from the other 29 clubs jerseys, honoring the fact that the majority of people here are from somewhere else, and bring their loyalties with them.


The Arizona Air Conditioners

as in AC not DC (see what I did there? It’s subtle, I know). Then we could have the Reno Ceiling Fans, the Mobile Swamp Coolers, the Visalia Ventilation Units and the South Bend Swimming Pools.

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.


Pretty much took my idea

The Arizona Snowbirds. No matching uniforms, but at least 1/3 of the team has some version of a Cubs uniform, and the only AZ representation in the uniforms is a cross between the Tucson Toros, Phoenix Giants, and Sun Devils uniforms (so ugly as hell).

"A good friend of mine used to say, 'This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.' Think about that for a while."

Name Gold Silver Bronze Total Points
kishi 6 0 0 18
Diamondhacks 2 1 0 8
Clefo 1 2 0 7
Jim McLennan 1 1 0 5
imstillhungry95 0 2 0 4
AzRattler 0 0 4 4
Moranall 0 1 1 3
blank_38 0 1 1 3
SenSurround 0 1 1 3
DbacksSkins 1 0 0 3
4 Corners Fan 0 1 0 2
benhat 0 1 0 2
piratedan7 0 1 0 2
Opoohwan 0 1 0 2
Xipooo 0 1 0 2
Fangdango 0 1 0 2
preston.salisbury 0 0 2 2
hotclaws 0 1 0 2
John Baragona 0 1 0 2
PR151 0 0 1 1
TolkienBard 0 0 1 1

Journalism is dead, and millenials are stupids who don't like their vegetable-news. It's all the rage to either build the bastard children of Wikipedia and blogs, or over-apply economic models to every subject like a doodie discovering Kewpie mayonnaise for the first time.

This week's prompt: write a short 'explainer' article for anything related to the Diamondbacks, whether it's a player, game, season, or something else.

As usual, rec your favorite entries, and try not to waste too much time looking at the 10 Animal Gifs That Will Make You Laugh, But What Happens Next Will Shock You.