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Pit Your Wits Week 4: the Dreaded Caption Contest

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The New Yorker style guild requires double vowels not pronounced together to have a diaeresis, which might also be mistaken for an umlaut. Coördinate. Reëntry. Diänmondbacks?

Justin Edmonds

Last week I challenged you to pick a D-backs minor leaguer and invent a terrible flaw. Here are the winners:

Gold-star_medium

Sorry, Andrew Chafin

Just rubs me the wrong way.

"To manufactured triumph!"

Silver-star_medium

The Next Derek Jeter?

More like the next Michael Jeter, and unfortunately he’s dead, just like Gregorius’ bat

I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused....

Archie Bradley

Sure, he’s got the body size and the arm strength and the pitching repertoire, but when you’re named after a comic book character, you’re in trouble.

For example,

No one calls Archie back, EVER.

Imagination is for turbo-nerds who can't handle how kick-butt reality is.

Socrates Brito

There’s a lot to like about this kid, but comps to former Socrates’ show he comes up a bit short mentally, and one begins to question whether he really has the mind for the game. Without showing a firm ability to perform via the Socratic Method, there’s an good chance he never cracks the big leagues and, more importantly, may not be able to avoid his fate of receiving the death penalty for both impiety of the Greek Gods and corrupting the youth of Athens.

"How much money can we offer Brandon Lyon without making him suspicious?"

Bronze-star_medium

Bo Schultz

Cause if he doesn’t know what Bo really is, then he will never be able to see why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Current standings:

Name Gold Silver Bronze Total Points
kishi 2 0 0 6
Diamondhacks 1 1 0 5
Clefo 1 0 0 3
AzRattler 0 0 3 3
imstillhungry95 0 1 0 2
4 Corners Fan 0 1 0 2
Jim McLennan 0 1 0 2
benhat 0 1 0 2
piratedan7 0 1 0 2
blank_38 0 1 0 2
SenSurround 0 1 0 2
PR151 0 0 1 1

The President has been kidnapped by ninjas! Are you a bad enough dude to take on this challenge and get him back?

Look at the picture for this article and craft a witty caption for it.

I regret to inform you that the prize for this week was going to be a free subscription to the New Yorker, but after receiving a Cease & Desist letter from Condé Nas, you'll just have to be satisfied with internet cool! As usual, rec the entries you like, and don't be stingy!