clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Pit Your Wits Week 21: R &/or R

New, 14 comments

Time for one of those "If you had a lot of money, what would you do with it?" hypothetical things. Hey, it's not like the D'Backs are trying any harder.

Not of the nacho variety.
Not of the nacho variety.
Joe Scarnici

Here are the features that are totally gonna be in MLB 14.

First Place - 9 Recs - Jim McLennan

You're running the team *blog* on SB Nation

You have to maintain a regular posting schedule over the grind of a 162-game season, managing your roster of writers and contributors, of variable talents and flakiness, massaging their disparate egos carefully, even though any of them might suddenly get a life and become unavailable.. You also have to handle spammers, trolls, disgruntled fans of other teams, and annoyed ESPN pundits, who complain to your bosses about your posts. See if YOU can strike a balance, somewhere between being accused of being a "shill" for the team, and alienating the front-office entirely, while still remaining controversial enough to keep those clicks coming from intriguingly-worded Tweets.

Second Place - 7 Recs - SenSurround

Announcer mode

You and a friend share the responsibilities of play by play and color commentary. Come up with your own unique style and rack up a following among the locals! Talk about sabermetrics and get ostracized by old people! Talk about grit and playing the game right and get ostracized by young people! Jerks on a blog pick apart everything you do! Come up with occasionally annoying catchphrases! Try to keep the audience from changing the channel during blowouts! The fun never ends!

As a bonus, you get to manage the life of a quazi-celebrity! Avoid the wrath of upper management by adhering to a dress code! Rise to the top of your field and guest star in baseball movies! Try to make it through the rigors of an entire regular season without getting a DUI! Do low budget TV spots for local business! Host a postgame show with awkward and only sort-of-willing players! Pretend you don’t hate your broadcast partner!

"How much money can we offer Brandon Lyon without making him suspicious?"

Third Place - 5 Recs - soco

Two words:

nacho slides.

Don't look up.

If you fold a piece of paper the right way a few times, you get standings that look like this:

Jim McLennan 27
Diamondhacks 25
Zavada's Moustache 24
imstillhungry95 23
piratedan7 17
blank_38 17
TimInTucson 11
preston.salisbury 11
soco 11
Xipooo 9
SenSurround 9
AJV19 7
kishi 7
AzDbackfaninDc 6
AzRattler 6
hotclaws 6
rd33 5
Dirtdawg90 4
BlackedOutInUT 3
ford.williams.10 3
TylerO 1
Reynolds Rapper 1
Fangdango 1

This week: You're a baseball player on a middling, but not terrible, team and you're out of the playoff race and you reach the offseason. Since the Major League Minimum is not a small pile of cash, how would you spend your offseason? Show your work.