Pit Your Wits Week 17: Caption? I Don't Even Know Her!

Intro here blah blah.

First Place - TimInTucson - 4 Recs

Welcome to the New Dodger Stadium!

Centrally located next to the historic Staple Center, Puig Field is sure to be a Mecca for all serious baseball fans. Stroll down Home run alley where you can watch our hero go yard against such luminaries as Cory Gearrin and Curtis Partch on our one-of-a-kind youtube wall of fame! Also not to be missed is our History of our Savior section, detailing his struggles to provide for his family on his paltry $6 million a year salary. Next up for the hardcore fan is our “I Was Robbed” video showcase of all the times the baseball messiah’s impeccable baserunning and incredible arm was rendered moot by incompetent officiating. Respected experts such as Keith Law have proclaimed “A place in Puig Field is the next best thing to a place in Cooperstown”

by TimInTucson on Aug 1, 2013 | 10:11 AM reply

Second Place - Zavada's Moustache - 3 Recs

Get the whole Seattle experience wrapped up in one game!

New Seattle Ballpark is conveniently located away from any and all public transportation, but also close enough to downtown to ensure that there will not be enough parking. But don’t worry, there are also thousands of bike racks that no one uses or knows about.

In front of the stadium, bronze sculptures of famous Mariner players welcome you. Just kidding, there are no famous Mariner players, so we just commissioned bronzes of Jose Vidro in a bunch of different poses. They go well with our frieze of Randy Johnson plunking nameless Texas Rangers to remember his time with our organization.

You can buy beer at any of our 367 craft brewing stations set up around the ballpark. But be warned, 366 of them feature attendants who are paid to scoff at anyone who orders there for being too “mainstream.” If you do manage to find the one that doesn’t, it will immediately close to preserve its integrity.

In the spirit of the Clevelander night club in Miami, we opened the “Seattler,” giving you access to the Seattle’s night life right in the confines of the ballpark. Which is to say: there will be a couple dozen white dudes wearing Bryant Reeves Vancouver Grizzlies jerseys for no apparent reason swaying slightly while someone’s cousin performs kazoo covers of Fleet Foxes.

New Seattle Ballpark will also be converted to a multi-use venue to house the revived Seattle Supersonics of the NBA and the brand-new Seattle Coyotes of the NHL. Any minute now…

by Zavada's Moustache on Jul 31, 2013 | 10:54 PM reply

Third Place - piratedan7, Reynolds Rapper, preston.salisbury - 2 Recs

The Miami Baseball Experience

out in Centerfield, at the top half of every inning, you can direct your steely gaze out to the “bikini bleachers”, where for the palty sum of 10.00 a ticket, you can attend the game and observe the proceedings from atop the embankment in a coordinated array of deck chairs, that slope down a sandy embankment, where for five dollars you can watch the game from beach blankets if you come in the aforementioned attire. At the bottom of the embankment, behind the center field wall is a tiki bar from which you can obtain refreshments……

In Right Field, behind the opposing team’s bullpen, is the Cuban Marimba band, that plays latin delights whenever the call is made to the bullpen. El Jefe’s Cigar Barn, is also located in this section, which also does a hefty piece of traffic with the bullpen staff.

In Left Field, it’s Upper Deck Disco, where people that go to the ballpark to be seen and not watch the game, congregate. Only reachable by roped cordoned elevator access from outside the ballpark. Prices reflect the ever pressing need to maintain the appropriate hipster standards… The Redneck Deck in the Left Field, situates just below the upper deck, and spills out onto the concourse offering air rifle target shooting of actual seabirds, gator rasslin’ and a moonshine tastin’ pavilion, complete with a heroes of NASCAR drive thru museum, courtesy of the recently condemned CARS2 rides from DisneyWorld.

Under The Press Box features a Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville restaurant franchise, that caters to discriminating bloggers and erstwhile media types who happen to be in town when there’s a game going on.

The Foul Poles are crafted into the shape of Gigantic palm trees, but the fronds and coconuts are color coordinated to know what is in play. Plus the Light up when they’re hit and if so, everyone gets discounted Chick Fil’a products.

I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused....

by piratedan7 on Jul 31, 2013 | 10:05 PM reply

A ballpark that auto-adjusts temperature, air pressure, wind speed,

gravity, the openness of the roof, and the wall distances to place it in the middle of the pack of park factor. You enter the park factor and the park factor rank into a computer and it spits out all the variables correctly.

Oh, and the turnstiles don’t move if you are a Cubs, Yankees, Dodgers, Giants fan or if you are wearing a Braun jersey.

"Hey, why don't you people watch the game?"-my mom after viewing a wave going around Chase Field.

by Reynolds rapper on Aug 1, 2013 | 1:11 AM reply

The Ballpark Florida deserves

in a baseball saturated market (minor league teams and spring training) with soaring temperatures, citizenry that are afraid of either real crime or people shooting them for alleged crimes, and an economy that is struggling to decide how best to deal with a population of senior citizens that still try to maintain residence in New York or Michigan, a ballpark is needed that is as soul-less, as drab, as dysfunctional, and as hopeless as the rest of the state. Ladies and gentlemen, Tropicana Field! But the only change to be made is trading teams; the Rays get Marlins Stadium, and the Marlins have to play in the Trop, so that the on-field product can better match up with the surroundings.

To liven up the ballpark experience, Jeffrey Loria is dangled from the catwalk by his ankles, like a pinata, and fans get to take batting practice, with the first to hit him getting to take over ownership of the team.

Will buy dinner for next D-back to convert 10 straight save opportunities.
Disclaimer: When I use #Grit, assume sarcasm

by preston.salisbury on Aug 1, 2013 | 7:37 AM reply

Standings? What do you take me for, you monster? HERE FINE

And this week: See that picture up there? You should make a funny caption for it and post it here. You should also give recs to the other captions that you enjoy as well. It's fairly self-explanatory.