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Pit Your Wits Week 12: Explosions N' Lens Flare

This week, you're a loose cannon, and the chief is tired of explaining your antics to the commissioner. TURN IN YOUR BADGE AND YOUR GUN RIGHT NOW

Mark J. Rebilas-US PRESSWIRE

First, here are your ideas of a Heath Bell Party. For the record, I would attend all of these.

First Place - Jim McLennan - 10 Recs

Three things?

  • Ozzie Guillen pinata
  • Pre-lit save-shaped candles (ready to be blown)
  • A cake:

Second Place - soco, BlackedOutInUT - 6 Recs

Phoenix's hottest party

is held at HEATH BELL. It has everything. Crisco wrestling matches. Jackrabbits dressed up as little biergarten servers. And my personal favorite, a large pile of old French francs being burned to the sounds of 12 tone scales.

I saw it with my WIZARD eyes!

Heath Bell's Vacant Lot Party

Three things:

1. Wiffle ball
2. Wiffle bat
3. 500 foot fence

Activities – Heath pitches and you hit
Purpose – For Heath to prove to himself that he can get through an inning without giving up a long ball

Would I go – yes. Double benefit: I get to hit meatballs all day, and (hopefull) help Heath get some confidence back.

Third Place - blank_38, piratedan7 - 5 Recs

I hope you're ready for the greatest party ever

Because Heath Bell has this place popping like it’s 2009.

Four Loko’s on Tap!
Wii Fit devices everywhere!
and That’s What I Call Music! 30 blaring.

I will respectfully decline but send him an edible arrangement to show my gratitude.

Your constant harassment of the female gender makes me sick.

by blank_38 on Jun 19, 2013 | 7:27 PM reply rec (5) flag actions

it's a catered affair

The Lot you say, yes, I remember past soirees there fondly, there was Coach Allen’s costume party with the "You are who we thought you were" theme, then there was the Nash farewell as he was traded for some old Laker gear and some Dodgers season tickets. Good times, yes indeed, but in the proud tradition of the Lot, we bring you…. The Heath Bell Experience…..they’ll be interactive stations so you can actually feel like a fan in the seats when Heath Is Pitching.. those include

Mechanical Bull Riding …. setting extreme, to give you that sinking nauseating feeling as he gives up that Home Run to divest the team of the unnecessary cushion
The Bungee Catapult…. where you are lifted skyward when he finally closes out the other side, with that sickening fall to earth knowing that you’ll have to go through this again….
Fluffy Bunny Station – where you’re given soft stuffed animals and you’re task is to throw them and knock expensive ceramics off of a 55 in. TV for every hit or walk that Heath surrenders

The is Coupled with a buffet of Taco Bell delicacies and day old foot long subs, generously donated by Subway.
Special Guests – The pantheon of Sanderson Ford commercial all-stars

I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused....

Let's go to the leaderboard, Mo!

imstillhungry95 21
Jim McLennan 18
Diamondhacks 16
Zavada's_Moustache 15
soco 9
blank_38 9
AVJ19 7
SenSurround 6
kishi 6
DirtDawg90 4
piratedan7 4
BlackedOutInUT 3
preston.salisbury 3
rd33 2
TylerO 1
TimInTucson 1

Back into the "Media Pitch type of challenge." (I go to that well a lot, I admit.) It's summer, and you know what that means? (Other than being heat-murdered on a daily basis.) It means flashy, explosion filled blockbuster movies! Pitch a Summer Blockbsuter-esque action movie about or involving the 2013 Diamondbacks. The rules are pretty open-ended from there.

Do the thing