Pit Your Wits Week 23: Would That This Post Was A Time Post

Hello, this is the penultimate Pit Your Wits challenge. Been quite a week for me. I went to Seattle for a few days for my cousin's wedding and it was really fun, and I go to see-

- What's that? "Shut up and tell us last week's results, Clefo?" Okay, fine then. See if I care about anything cool that happens in your life. "Oh I just had a baby!" "Meh." "I discovered a lost book of the Bible!" "Whatever" "A badger bit my leg off." "Hm." That's how it's gonna be.

Anyway, follow after the jump to see which of your TV series will be picked up.

soco gets an order of shows with this idea:

I'm

pitching mine to NBC, and there’s nothing you can do about it, Clefo.

The A.Z. Club:

A nihilistic comedy based on misanthropy and nerd jokes, it’s going to feature the daily antics of the upper management team of the Arizona Diamondbacks. The lead character is the gruff, yet perhaps secretly tender, Kevin Towers, who’s catchphrase will be "people are a bunch of bastards," and have a running joke of answering his phone instantly with the phrase, "Thank you for calling AZ, do you have any washed up veterans available?"

The other main character will be the socially awkward (and perhaps suffering from Asperger’s , though in a non-threatening and hilarious way) Kirk Gibson. Most of his comedy will be his dead panned non-sequiturs and various misunderstandings of basic social behavior.

Their daily goal to do as little work of possible is of course threaten in the pilot by the arrival of Re Gression, a spunky (and perhaps a pathological liar) new member of their team who is tasked with making sure they actually work. Hjinks ensue!

I was originally thinking single camera, but given that it’s a bit of a throw back to classic sitcoms (if it a bit randier), I think it should be a two camera show with a studio audience.

by soco on Sep 12, 2012 4:52 PM MST reply actions 5 recs

imstillhungry95's show is a midseason replacement, but could take off under the right circumstances:

Mine's not so much

a TV series, so much as a made for tv movie that could tie into a series. Here goes

Title:

The Adventure of Lost Hope

Cast:

Consulting Detective, Jason Kubel- Played by Randy Johnson
Young assistant/only friend in the world and also the narrator, Dr. Jay Bell- Played by Tyler Skaggs
Phoenix PD detective, Paul Goldschmidt- Played by Kevin Towers
The victim, known only as ‘Hope’- Played by the Arizona Diamondbacks Playoff Chances

Story:

The day was hot, even by Phoenix standards. Anyone with any sense was locked in doors with the AC cranked as low as it would go, Kubel and myself included. He was playing forlornly on the piano, composing a new piece. I was writing down one of our earlier cases. That was why I was startled when Kubel interrupted the silence, announcing, "Bell, I believe our friend, Detective Goldschmidt is at the door. Would you let him in?"

I closed my laptop, and let the man in. "What are you thinking, Goldschmidt, being out in heat like this! Come in and have a drink."

"I’m afraid I can’t," replied the detective, "I’m here on official business. We have a kidnapping on our hands, Mr. Kubel. At approximately 7:50 this morning, we recieved several reports of an abduction at a place called Chase’s Field."

"I’ve never heard of it," I interjected.

"I would hope not Dr. Skaggs, I would hope not. Only crazy people, those without lives, and many who think they can hold more beer than they actually can go there. It’s not a nice place. This isn’t the first crime I’ve investigated there, and it won’t be the last.

"We’re losing time though. If the two of you would come with me, I will give you the rest of the facts on the way."

We left the apartment that Kubel and I shared. It turned out that Chase’s Field was an empty, barren lot, the kind that passes for a park in the less savory parts of town. These were the facts of the crime as given to us by Detective Kevin Towers.

Around 7:50 that morning, four calls came in reporting the abduction of young woman at Chase’s Park. At the scene, there were signs of a struggle and eye witness reports of the abduction. The woman was jumped on by three men, who, despite her efforts, dragged her into a orange and black van. One witness even had spoken to her minutes before, and had found out that her first name was Hope, but they didn’t know what her last name was. The van drove off in a westerly direction, and had California plates on it. The strange thing was that during the time of the attack, every security camera within a mile of the crime scene had been shut off, and no video of the event had been recorded.

Upon hearing this, Kubel’s face grew very grave. "This is very bad." he muttered, "I’m afraid that this trip was a waste, detective. I could have solved this for you from my living room. The man behind all this was a criminal mastermind I have been hunting for years. His name is Brian Sabean. Don’t bother searching for him, he won’t be found. His base of operations is in San Fransisco, but he doesn’t do kidnappings. He plans murders. Sadly, Hope is already dead."

This comment was paid for by The Republocrat Sect of the Muslim Brotherhood Freemasons of the Illuminati Super Pac for Freedom’s Progress.
You should check out my blog: www.chopchopsaute.com and then follow my blog on twitter: @chopchopsaute

by imstillhungry95 on Sep 12, 2012 2:55 PM MST reply actions 4 recs

blank_38 and piratedan7 were told by studio execs "Yeah, we'll totally take this", but then they never returned their calls and it was just awkward.

blank_38:

COMING TO A STATION NEAR YOU

Episode 1: An Introduction to Seduction

An out of focus camera shows the silhouette of a man, if you could call it that. He is a giant of a man not of stature, but of girth. The camera focuses in on this naked beauty. He is slouched over while sitting indian style.

His head slowly raises and his identity is revealed. It is Mike Zagurski in all his glory. He slowly stands up and walks toward you. The background starts swirling with different shades of fluorescent red and blue. The camera zooms in on his eyes as they pierce your soul. The screen goes black.

You immediately are shown his face again. The camera zooms out and he is sitting at an elegantly dressed table. On the table is all sorts of delicacies from around the world; Cheesesteaks from Philly, Fish and Chips from Britain, and Beer from Germany among others. The table is stuffed. Mike stretches forth his delicate, manicured fingers on a turkey leg. The camera zooms in as he takes a giant mouthful. His grunts echo long and loud as he savors every bite. He swallows and gazes longingly into the camera one last time as he mouths the words,
"I love …"

End Credits

No one should care what someone writes on any other platform

by blank_38 on Sep 12, 2012 5:34 PM MST reply actions 3 recs

piratedan7:

Moneyball: The series

ABC Series pilot…. long time baseball blog writer wins the powerball and buys himself a a controlling interest in a minor league team: Welcome to the world of the Tucson Stick Lizards

It’s his team and his money, so he brings on board his friends from his blog and they try to run a team. Naturally, it’s different observing and commenting on a business and running a franchise. Plus MLB isn’t exactly happy with all of the new changes that are dreamed up to bring in attendance. There’s rivalries, passion, humor and drama as our new owners discover as much about themselves and their passion for the game as they do about meeting payroll and player recruitment and development.

The series is ripe for cameos from baseball greats and recurring guest stars as they can represent themselves but also bring in a small surrealistic feel like Portlandia.

Episode 1: It’s after opening day and the roster is full of guys who were this close to living their dreams and making the bigs and a couple of guys who are angry about being sent down and aren’t exactly on board with signing baseballs for the fans…..

Episode 2: Pet Day at the ballpark unfortunately coincides with health inspection day at the concession stands

Episode 3: Young phenom Diego Garcia’s walkup music leaves a little something to be desired and Marie in the ticket office is having a baby is unfortunately not what you would call a fan friendly substitute as her labor is being broadcast over the ballpark speakers

Episode 4: Charlie, the guy wearing the mascot costume can’t get the dry cleaning done in time and has to come up with something to get him off the hook

Episode 5: Pranksters amok – someone has been filling the umpires shoes with shaving cream and now the league has sent someone into town to investigate

Episode 6: Free Tacos are killing the bottom line and Jacob Mullravey is hitting everything in sight…..

Episode 7 – some remarks are printed in the paper, strangely out of context remarks, paybacks, like revenge, are sweeter when returned in kind.

Episode 8 – Family ties, when young Steve Stephenson is called up to the team, someone has to be sent down…. who’s the odd man out?

I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused....

by piratedan7 on Sep 13, 2012 11:35 PM MST reply actions 3 recs

Here are some points

There a maximum of 15 points left to be gained, so it's anybody's game.

"But Clefo, if there are only two more challenges, and you get 6 points for winning, where did the other three come from?"

Good question, person I made up to create a better segue into this next thing:

September 26th will be the final round of Pit Your Wits. As a sort of "Thank you" for your participation this year, I am going to let YOU pick what the challenge is! How will you do this? Well either e-mail, tweet (both of those are accessible from my profile), or tell me if you happen to run into me in the street what an idea of a challenge could be. I will pick my personal favorite and use it for the final week's challenge using my own capricious judgement. Whoever submitted the winning entry will also get PYW points, AND I will give them a high-five the next time I possibly see them in person, so there's some extra incentive.

You have until basically whenever I start writing next week's post (at some point next Wednesday morning) to submit entries. Those of you who have submitted ideas so far: I have read them, so don't worry.

Anyway, this week you have acquired a machine that allows you to send messages back in time, however due to a bug, these messages can only be ten words long at most, and due to fees and taxes you can only afford to send one message. Using this criteria, send a message to your April 2012 self warning about the disappointing season the Diamondbacks

(I pretty much blatantly stole this challenge idea from the first letter of yesterday's "Funbag" , saucy language within the link, on Deadspin, so h/t to all involved there).

Rec the other entries you like... I mean, you know how this works by now.

Go do it! Or don't. It's a free country.